I have been struggling to find words to write something for at least a couple months, if not longer. These days I find my heart heavy for reasons that it SEEMS I can do nothing about, but want so badly to do something about it. I am a do-er when problems or conflict arises...what I can do to help? How can I solve this? What is my part/my role in the problem AND the solution?
I've been praying and praying for clarity about how I can help and what my role is...and I think I need to write. I have avoided expressing my concerns, fears, and worries in a public place because I don't want to disappoint people I care about, but hopefully, even if you disagree, you will still try to listen. I've heard you can't change people opinions and views through social media, but mine have immensely...so I hope you can hear me out too. I've been praying with much uncertainty about what to do, but today I think God is telling me it's time to write. To build a bridge with writing.
I will be the first to admit that I have not researched every topic, every issue, every politician, or every policy our country has had...but I'll tell you what my heart has told me:
My heart has always been tender and I've had BIG FEELINGS for my whole life, but because of my experiences as a teacher and now as a mother, they have grown even BIGGER. As a teacher of students with special needs, I witnessed so much heartache of children that were often and quickly misjudged by society based on what they looked like. Their stories were often gutwrenching...full of loss, abuse, abandonment, and sadness. Children who came to school hungry, cared for their siblings each evening, or who's parents were substance abusers and/or mentally ill. Each of their stories were different and complex, and there was never one simple solution, and never was the solution to just "try harder". These are the stories of the people IN OUR COMMUNITY, and this is where my thoughts and beliefs began to change. So much of my life I believed that if you just put your mind to something, you could do anything, but I've learned it's not so simple. As a teacher, I had to take a step back from kids who may acted like jerks, and try to put myself in THEIR shoes. What has happened in their life/what is happening TODAY that has caused them to lash out at me. Being a teacher gave me a skill I never knew I would gain: the ability to understand others better. I had to or else I would take each eye-roll, missed class, or bad name I was called by a teenager too personally and not do my job. And through it all, I found and began to see the inherit good in these children who many came from such little. By the end of each year, I saw more clearly who each student was and why they were they way they were, and I loved them because of it and inspite of it.
But my heart really began to sink about a year ago, when the people of Syria began to flee their country, leaving everything behind and risking their lives for freedom for themselves and their families, many of them small children. Those images of those tiny baby's bodies washed on the shores. The picture of the man hugging his children so tightly while crying with fear. Their stories shared by the blog/social media outlet, Humans of New York, of loss, pain, fear, and also hope. What if that was me and my family??? Hopeless and no where to go, begging for help that many refuse.
And then I began to hear and read the rhetoric used by many, even many I had previously agreed with and supported, saying that we needed to be sure to keep "these people" out of OUR country for OUR safety. It made me sick to think we were allowing and advocating for fear and knee-jerk "logic" to rule our lives rather than love. My heart of hearts tells me that is wrong. To let fear overshadow mercy and grace. When Jesus was asked by his disciples what mattered the most out of all of his lessons and teachings, he said "Love God and love people". And that was it. Nothing more and nothing less. So how can we be a nation of "Christians" that are so unlike Christ?
And now the leader of our country, with strong "family values" and a "strong moral compass", is writing executive orders that benefit himself and others like-minded, but not the rest of humanity. Silencing facts, discrediting marches, appointing unqualified people, calling people degrading names, and now shutting out immigrants. Telling us what to think and believe, and if anyone thinks otherwise they are WRONG and they are the ENEMY. But this is the only thing that is wrong, and our silence will only allow this kind of darkness to win.
I still don't clearly know my role in all of this or what I can do, but I do know that I want to be a bridge in the middle for two sides that are probably not as extreme as we think. But we must sit at the same table together and honestly talk about our different opinions, beliefs, and thoughts, and stop shouting assumptions. The world cannot be so black and white, but instead we can find common ground in the gray area in between. If you're feeling defensive or angry or uncomfortable, I would encourage you to read more to try to understand the others, especially before writing them off and saying they are just wrong. Leave room to listen, and spend less time prejudging one another's beliefs and lumping one another into strong-bordered categories. Though my social media has been mostly pictures of my life and my children, you may now find from time to time elements that may be considered "political". I can no longer go through my days without sharing things that speak to my heart and are reverberated in my BIG FEELINGS, and ways that I am trying to make the world a better place. I hope you continue to follow me and consider what I share, and also find peace in knowing what your role and path is in this crazy world.
Thanks for reading friends. Let's say some extra prayers for one another tonight.
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