Birthday Bloggin'

Today is my 33rd birthday, and I am one of those annoying adults who insists on having everything "just so" on my birthday, from the the minute I wake up to the minute I go to sleep. Thankfully, I have a husband who is nicer than me and obliges every year. So that is the reason I am actually writing...I'm at one of my very favorite places, Cuppies & Joe, BY MYSELF. I had lots of plans to organize and think, write in my journal for the first time in forever, and get caught up, but I'm having a hard time know where to begin. So instead I am just going to ramble a blog out here instead.

There are always a million thoughts going through my brain, as a momma, a perfectionist, and a busy-body, so now that I have a moment to pause, I'm not sure where to go. Maybe I'll just write about the things I love about myself and my life and the things wish were different, and do a little word-vomiting on those topics. And if you're still reading, thanks for hanging in there.

I prefer to have a positive outlook, so let's start there. I love that I am getting to do my dream job: stay-home with my sweet babies and be my "own boss". I love my amazing husband, who is better to me than I deserve. And I love our home: old and creaky and colorful and comfortable. I love eating good food, usually that I don't have to make myself, and I love being outside when it's not a thousand degrees. I love crafting, baking for others, swinging in my hammock, going on adventures with my family, and finding joy in the mundane. I love documenting my days and creating a home that feels comforting and warm.

But what do I love about myself? That's a hard one and it always has been. Here's what I know but don't necessarily love: I'm sensitive and get my feelings hurt easily. I feel BIG EMOTIONS 90% of the time. I worry incessantly about freak accidents and tragedies, what others think about me, and if I am "good enough" as a mom, wife, and friend. I like to be busy because I never want to miss out but also to prove my "worth". I am a innately a selfish person, and like for things to go as *I* plan, and when it doesn't, you can be assured it will be labeled a "bad day". I'm undisciplined and would be totally fine to sit on the couch everyday, all day.

Okay...this is tough, but I'll try a little self-love here now too. I know I am passionate about people, and I know that is one thing I do love about myself: I love connecting with people. I love people because of the different perspectives and stories, and the lessons to be learned from others. I remember something my Grandma Re said: that sometimes it made her sad to think about all the wonderful people in the world that she'd never get to meet. This is one of my core life values and something I do love about myself. I never want to miss out on an opportunity to make memories or have fun with people I love. I love that I get to do this more by staying-home with my kiddos, and I am so very grateful that I get to do it too.

I wish I would worry less, compare less, and spend more time outside. I wish I didn't splurge all the time in my eating and spending, and I wish I could slooooow down. I wish I was more patient with my children and I wish I took more time to read and write. I wish I was more fit and disciplined. I wish I had the energy, time, and money to do everything I want everyday, but like everyone else, I do not.

Well, I still don't know 100% what the goal of this blog was or what my message is, but this is the most personal and open one I've ever written. I guess what I want to say is that I am far from perfect, but everyday trying to do my best and trying to find joy. I am incredibly grateful for the life I have, even on the tough days. Thanks for reading friends, and I hope you have a beautiful day too.