Being Brave

Being brave has never been something that comes easily to me. Really, I'd rather lay on the couch and watch mindless reality TV and eat dessert rather that face something uncomfortable. Or make myself really busy with fun activities or baking or crafting so I don't have to think about the hard stuff. But that doesn't really help for long unless you're just looking to be numb and disconnected.

As I explained in my last blog, 2019 feels like impending doom a bit and like I'm just waiting for the worst to happen or this "tough season" to be over. But over the past month, I've come to realize more (and accept more) that this is just kinda what life feels like. Hard and good and sad and fun all mixed together, sometimes even on a daily basis. And I've also realized (over many months of reading and listening and thinking to people smarter than me) that the only way to get over it is to be brave enough to just go through it AND find joy in the midst of it. So we've gotten back to the basics of surviving life with two kids and one on the way, and it's given us more space to breathe, spend time with people we love, and catch up a bit on the crazy busy of the last year or so.

And in this midst of surviving this past month or so, the word "FEAR" continued to arise for 2019. But I didn't like that and it is not the word I want to define us this year. Instead, I want it to be "BRAVE". So I've started looking for ways to be more brave. And ways I have been brave. And things that make me brave. This broader definition of brave has come from shifting my view, and doing some brave things, like starting to read a "devotional" called "100 Days to Be Brave". A year ago, there's no way you would have convinced me to do this. I would have been to afraid, because these kinds of "Christian-y" things make me feel too vulnerable, and honestly, like my ashamed, self-conscious, uncertain 16-year-old self all over again. And that's no where a 35-year-old mother wants to find herself. But by reading this book, and not always agreeing or loving everyday of it, I've learned to better hear my own voice (and the voices of those who know me the best and love me anyways) that is much more kind to myself.

This is just one of many little, seemingly insignificant ways I'm trying to be brave this year. And to give myself more credit, I was very brave last year too, though sometimes I minimized it, ignored it, or was drug through it...I was brave. And I will be brave again this year, doing things I might not think sound fun or magical, but things that keep popping up, reminding me that I have to try and learn. And all in the midst of scary things, I'll continue to look for things that help me be brave, like my children, my beautiful home, and words from brave women I get to call my friends.