Waiting for Baby V: Twenty-Four Fatigued Weeks!

Well, I am not going to lie. This week was a tough one. There was much good in it, so let's talk about that first! Chris's 28th birthday was Tuesday, and we celebrated mostly at home. We had nutella and peanut butter French toast for breakfast, then for dinner we had Chris's favorite: meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and glazed carrots. Good choice Chris! YUM! We then decided to be wild people and go see an 8:55 movie, "Rise of the Guardians". Every year, I try to make Chris's birthday special because he makes my everyday so wonderful. I think I did a pretty good job, and that Chris had a good day! What a fun birthday next year will be too...I will be a stay-at-home mom with a little Ellie to help me prepare for his birthday! So excited! And our night ended with Chris being able to feel our little girl wiggle in my tummy. It even seemed like she gave him a high five too! Such a sweet moment together.

Birthday gifts: New jacket, Ferrero Rocher chocolate, and Haribo Gummy Bears (for the movie)

The meatloaf, specially decorated for the bday boy!

Chris's bday celebration with my family: Game night and an Italian Creme Cake made by my Momma!

And now onto why this week was a rough one...There was so much going on this week, in real life and  on my mind, that bottom line was that I got really overwhelmed. I think it might have had to do with pregnancy hormones getting the best of me too, but for a few days I just felt really sad. Wednesday and Thursday were stressful days at school, and I think it's partially due to the holidays, which makes everyone stressed out too. I also didn't feel very good and was having serious back pain, with moments of my right leg just giving out when I walked. Then, Friday came and I was looking forward to our doctor's appointment, but got some not so awesome news. My blood pressure has been a bit high the past few times, so we've been monitoring it. But this time, our doctor decided to put me on medication for it, as well as have me stop taking my allergy pills. We also had blood work done (which I hate), and I started crying at the doctor's office. I explained that this week had been especially stressful with school, holidays, and such, but it still meant it is time to do something else. Through these three days, I asked myself these questions that are completely self-imposed, random, and that vacillate from one end of the spectrum to the next: How can I have such an amazing husband that I do not even deserve? Do I show my appreciation enough? Will I be able to be a good enough mom? Am I already screwing up with this motherhood thing by having poor health? How many other women have head healthy pregnancies, and why can't I have one too? Why could other women, like my Mom and Chris's Mom, handle having a full-time job and being a mom, and I don't think I can? What will I do next year without being around all these people that think I'm awesome, when I don't even think I'm all that awesome? Why I am feeling so overwhelmed when I should feel so happy?

Today things are much better, and I have had a couple wonderfully relaxing days with people I love. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel with Christmas break almost here, Christmas shopping almost done, and Christmas celebrations planned and organized. So I must say I am feeling much much better, but it was rough. Chris is always a wonderful support to this crazy woman, and I am so thankful for him. He loves me for me, even when I am not sure who I am or if it's what I want to be. Just a hug and "everything will okay" helps me feel better. I hope to be what he deserves in a wife and a mother of his children, but that is something I must figure out within myself because he does everything he can to reassure me of my doubts. Being "good enough" is something I've struggled with my whole life, and it frustrates me when it steps back into my life as an adult, and leaves me feeling inadequate and overwhelmed. I must rest in knowing that I am "good enough" in His eyes, and that I always have been. I have wonderful people all around too, both family and friends that are like family, that add so much to my life. So at the end of everyday, I must be grateful and cherish all that I have in my life and believe that I am "good enough" to have it.  

So now onto the reason why I write this each week...Sweet baby Ellie!

1. Total weight gain: +21 lbs  (2 lbs this week...Wah wah wah)

2. Maternity clothes?: All I can wear! Getting in the groove with my winter outfits, and pick them out at the beginning of the week so I have time to be more excited about it. Takes a bit more creativity than usual!

3. Stretch marks?: Not yet! YAY!

4. Sleep?: Heartburn and leg cramps continue this week, but I have been sleeping better. Last night I didn't even get up to use the restroom! WOW!

5. Best moment this week?: Chris's birthday day. We spent the morning before work together, which gives a glimpse into next year, and then only did fun things that evening. Maybe we should just do that more often?

6. Miss anything?: Not really this week, except again the want for wine at these Christmas parties. But oh well. It's really okay!

7. Movement?: Feeling her move at least every hour! Makes this feel so crazily real, which could be why I had a bit of an emotional meltdown this week. 

8. Food cravings?: Warm foods, peanut butter still, and Christmas treats. And I love a glass of chocolate milk. YUM!

9. Anything make you queasy or sick?: No! 

10. Gender?: Tiny little wiggly girl Ellie! Looking forward to AFTER the holidays for the first time ever, so that we can start focusing on her and her nursery. 

11. Labor signs?: No, but high blood pressure, which could lead to early labor. Boo.

12. Symptoms?: Back pain, tired legs and feet, and moving Ellie.

13. Belly button in or out?: In

14. Wedding rings on or off?: On

15. Happy or moody most of the time?: Pregnancy hormones and therefore crying got the best of me this week. Had many happy moments this week, but had some difficult days too. Guess that's what makes the good days so good?

16. Looking forward to most?: 4-day work week then a much needed Christmas break! This time next week I will be focusing on family and relaxing. Hooray! But first, I am going to enjoy Christmas this week and not allow it to overwhelm me so much!