Though August is over, those #augustadventures have been so fun to focus on. It helped me pause at least once a day and look at life a little more with those rose-colored glasses, and I think there's certainly nothing wrong with that. It helped me focus on the last weeks of summer with Ellie and the first weeks of the school year with just Walt for the day. It's helped me look for the beauty that is really all around us, even on hard days or challenging situations. And it was fun taking the time to document them too, even through an exhausting month.
So now that we're five days into September (oops!), I want to focus in on small businesses, including my own. I hope it gives me the space and time for more sharing of the things we create, and that I can put aside the to do's and spend more time creating. Farm Girl Fair is coming up and we hope to have some fun new things as well as the old ideas we've loved too. So fingers crossed we can take them time to use our creativity!
Also, something that I would like to do better is shop small, especially for the holidays, and so I'm going to be sharing some shops I love. We might visit some new places and do some shopping ourselves too, and hope it encourages you to look to those small businesses you know around you and give them your business. I'm excited for this month, as it has been something I've wanted to do for quite sometime! Can't wait to share for #shopsmallseptember.
Thursday, August 30, 2018
This is 35!
I can recall a recent post from my fav, Jen Hatmaker, about what it felt like to be in your 40s and how amazing it really was. If I remember correctly, she said that in her 20s, there was so much uncertainty and so much comparison, and then in her 30s she was still in the early "in the weeds" years of motherhood. She didn't quite know who she was or who she was fully meant to be until closer to her 40s, and while I do feel a bit still in the world of the thirty-somethings, 35 has brought me closer to the confidence and empowerment she described her 40s as being than any other year.
I have gone through a lot of big emotions this past year (or two actually), and experiences that I both thought I'd never have to encounter and/or didn't know how to handle. I don't mean to be so vague, but my point is that I have learned so much about the world around me and even more about who I am in this beautiful and tragic world.
1. Family is the most important thing.
2. Friends are a treasure given by God, to show you who He is and remind you better who you are.
3. I require a high "fun" ratio in my life to stay sane.
4. Sometimes I'm still a crazy Momma though and lose my noodles anyways.
5. I am different mom than I expected I would be or thought I should be for a long time, but I am still a good mom.
6. Some friends are meant to be in your life forever, and some are meant to be there for only a season. But it's still hard for me to let the friends of the latter go.
7. God cares about the things we care about, and wants to give us the desires of our hearts. Like this big beautiful house that I had resigned to never having, but then He gave it to us. And it has been one HUGE reminder through the challenges these past 18 months that He's taking care of us, even the seemingly little and insignificant things.
8. He created each of us differently for different purposes. There's no box Christians must fit in to be "good Christians". Just love God and love others.
9. Joy can be found in the hardest seasons of life, and it's the most important thing you can do in those hard times.
10. You can care about Bachelor in Paradise and the families who have been separated at the border and chips and queso and fully-funding public education in our state and wearing clothes that make you feel good all at the same time.
11. Ellie is the sweetest, most thoughtful, and most sensitive little girl I know. And I just adore her.
12. Walter is the most snuggly and hilarious two-year-old I know. And I am just in love with his curls.
13. Chris is the most selfless and caring person I have ever known.
14. A life lived focusing on your pain is a life lived in anger, bitterness, and hurting others.
15. A life lived working through your pain, asking for help, and choosing to find joy, is a life lived in love and kindness.
16. I looooove sugar, and my ideal afternoon nap time includes a cup of coffee and a baked good.
17. But whole food gives me a more whole life, in attitude, sleep, confidence, and overall mental and physical health.
18. Our parents are truly incredibly resilient people. All five of them. We've watched them face betrayal, being taken advantage of, heartbreak, a brain tumor, cancer, loss of a parent, reconciling childhood trauma, and extreme financial strain. But they are still who they were before, but even stronger now.
19. People are inherently good.
20. Always connect with others.
21. Taking the time to visit with the generations older than you is always worth it.
22. There's is much to be learned from children too.
23. The things that you're good at are gifts from God and you should use them to serve others.
24. I love hosting parties...themed food, cute decorations, and pretty paper goods, and there's nothing shallow or extravagant about that. If that's how I like to celebrate, then I should do it without any apologies.
25. Being the hands and feet of Jesus means loving the person right next to you.
26. Kindness goes a long way. Always be kinder than necessary.
27. Making your home a beautiful place isn't shallow either. Your home is your safe place, and it's where you can serve others best too.
28. Take your love and your gifts (crafting, quilting, gift-giving, speaking, writing, leading, gardening, teaching, or ANYTHING) and use that to serve others. We don't have to be missionaries in a foreign country or dedicate our lives to a non-profit to do good in this world.
29. How you treat those around you everyday will be the legacy you leave behind.
30. Spending time outside is tremendous for your mental health.
31. So is going to see a counselor. Even for a short time or on an as need basis, having someone to talk to can help bring great perspective and healing to your own life.
32. Even when it feels like it's not enough, keep doing your best.
33. Setting aside time for self-care everyday if not at all selfish, but helps you reset to be the best version of yourself.
34. When you inevitably mess up or make a mistake, say you're sorry. Even to your children.
35. The only way to deal with hard things or pain in your life is to go through it. You can't stuff it away or pretend it's not happening. Feel the emotions and sit with them. And eventually you'll be stronger and it won't hurt as bad all the time.
And so with that list (there's probably another 35 in this noggin'/heart of great growth this year), I'm going to use being 35 to do 35 things I've been wanting to do/that fills my life with joy 35 times. Sounds silly/crazy? I mean this in the most loving and kind way possible, but I don't care. Because this is 35.
I have gone through a lot of big emotions this past year (or two actually), and experiences that I both thought I'd never have to encounter and/or didn't know how to handle. I don't mean to be so vague, but my point is that I have learned so much about the world around me and even more about who I am in this beautiful and tragic world.
1. Family is the most important thing.
2. Friends are a treasure given by God, to show you who He is and remind you better who you are.
3. I require a high "fun" ratio in my life to stay sane.
4. Sometimes I'm still a crazy Momma though and lose my noodles anyways.
5. I am different mom than I expected I would be or thought I should be for a long time, but I am still a good mom.
6. Some friends are meant to be in your life forever, and some are meant to be there for only a season. But it's still hard for me to let the friends of the latter go.
7. God cares about the things we care about, and wants to give us the desires of our hearts. Like this big beautiful house that I had resigned to never having, but then He gave it to us. And it has been one HUGE reminder through the challenges these past 18 months that He's taking care of us, even the seemingly little and insignificant things.
8. He created each of us differently for different purposes. There's no box Christians must fit in to be "good Christians". Just love God and love others.
9. Joy can be found in the hardest seasons of life, and it's the most important thing you can do in those hard times.
10. You can care about Bachelor in Paradise and the families who have been separated at the border and chips and queso and fully-funding public education in our state and wearing clothes that make you feel good all at the same time.
11. Ellie is the sweetest, most thoughtful, and most sensitive little girl I know. And I just adore her.
12. Walter is the most snuggly and hilarious two-year-old I know. And I am just in love with his curls.
13. Chris is the most selfless and caring person I have ever known.
14. A life lived focusing on your pain is a life lived in anger, bitterness, and hurting others.
15. A life lived working through your pain, asking for help, and choosing to find joy, is a life lived in love and kindness.
16. I looooove sugar, and my ideal afternoon nap time includes a cup of coffee and a baked good.
17. But whole food gives me a more whole life, in attitude, sleep, confidence, and overall mental and physical health.
18. Our parents are truly incredibly resilient people. All five of them. We've watched them face betrayal, being taken advantage of, heartbreak, a brain tumor, cancer, loss of a parent, reconciling childhood trauma, and extreme financial strain. But they are still who they were before, but even stronger now.
19. People are inherently good.
20. Always connect with others.
21. Taking the time to visit with the generations older than you is always worth it.
22. There's is much to be learned from children too.
23. The things that you're good at are gifts from God and you should use them to serve others.
24. I love hosting parties...themed food, cute decorations, and pretty paper goods, and there's nothing shallow or extravagant about that. If that's how I like to celebrate, then I should do it without any apologies.
25. Being the hands and feet of Jesus means loving the person right next to you.
26. Kindness goes a long way. Always be kinder than necessary.
27. Making your home a beautiful place isn't shallow either. Your home is your safe place, and it's where you can serve others best too.
28. Take your love and your gifts (crafting, quilting, gift-giving, speaking, writing, leading, gardening, teaching, or ANYTHING) and use that to serve others. We don't have to be missionaries in a foreign country or dedicate our lives to a non-profit to do good in this world.
29. How you treat those around you everyday will be the legacy you leave behind.
30. Spending time outside is tremendous for your mental health.
31. So is going to see a counselor. Even for a short time or on an as need basis, having someone to talk to can help bring great perspective and healing to your own life.
32. Even when it feels like it's not enough, keep doing your best.
33. Setting aside time for self-care everyday if not at all selfish, but helps you reset to be the best version of yourself.
34. When you inevitably mess up or make a mistake, say you're sorry. Even to your children.
35. The only way to deal with hard things or pain in your life is to go through it. You can't stuff it away or pretend it's not happening. Feel the emotions and sit with them. And eventually you'll be stronger and it won't hurt as bad all the time.
And so with that list (there's probably another 35 in this noggin'/heart of great growth this year), I'm going to use being 35 to do 35 things I've been wanting to do/that fills my life with joy 35 times. Sounds silly/crazy? I mean this in the most loving and kind way possible, but I don't care. Because this is 35.
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
August Adventures
Earlier this week, I got to live a picturesque dream of mine...picnicking on a blanket in Harmon park ALL MY MYSELF. I've visited this park built in 1923 by the WPA all throughout my childhood, and always loved to think of my future self there with my husband and children, and when and if those days would ever come. It is the backdrop to many wonderful memories and many hopes and dreams, and to get a chance to be there and soak it in felt pretty darn magical. I knew a storm was a brewing' but continued to enjoy my snack, snap some lovely pictures on my phone, and write these ideas in my journal.
This whole solo-trip to Kearney that I just returned from has been like medicine to my soul... restful, nostalgic, fun, delicious, heart-warming, and most of all, without responsibilities or many worries. It included so many favorite things from my childhood, and getting to relive some of it was something I will never forget. It was a beautiful 'reset" to a crazy fun and busy summer, and a wonderful wrap-up of my #jugglejuly...where I've realized I'm never going to be able to expertly juggle everything I want to be amazing at, but that I'll often have to put one ball down or ask for help. There's simply not "enough" me to do it all every single day, and that's very very okay. I love lists, but my life is not defined by whether or not my to dos get completed each day, but more of what my love story for the day was.
And the whole goal for 2018 with my monthly habit changes/shifts was that I would fin more time to o the things I love, and more often put down the things that I did not actually love or serve me well...unhealthy habits, unhealthy relationships, and unhealthy thinking. The first half of 2018 hasn't been easy or everyday full of "accomplishment" or fun, but the work I've done to find the love and joy in each day has made it one of the most beautiful years of my life yet.
So if you know me, you know I love adventures. I think you can find adventures in your everyday, and when I use the #valentasfamilyadventures, to me it is mostly a time, great or small, that I feel so grateful and so happy for this life I get to live. It's not simple, or perfect, or easy, but those adventures make it worth it and for as long as I live, I'll take every chance I get to have another adventure and make another memory doing things I love with people I love. And that's why August, my birthday month, is going to be focusing on our adventures each day. My hashtag MUST have illiteration (of course) so I'm excited to soak up the last days of summer and the first days of the school year with #augustadventures. Hope we inspire you to have one of your own!
This whole solo-trip to Kearney that I just returned from has been like medicine to my soul... restful, nostalgic, fun, delicious, heart-warming, and most of all, without responsibilities or many worries. It included so many favorite things from my childhood, and getting to relive some of it was something I will never forget. It was a beautiful 'reset" to a crazy fun and busy summer, and a wonderful wrap-up of my #jugglejuly...where I've realized I'm never going to be able to expertly juggle everything I want to be amazing at, but that I'll often have to put one ball down or ask for help. There's simply not "enough" me to do it all every single day, and that's very very okay. I love lists, but my life is not defined by whether or not my to dos get completed each day, but more of what my love story for the day was.
And the whole goal for 2018 with my monthly habit changes/shifts was that I would fin more time to o the things I love, and more often put down the things that I did not actually love or serve me well...unhealthy habits, unhealthy relationships, and unhealthy thinking. The first half of 2018 hasn't been easy or everyday full of "accomplishment" or fun, but the work I've done to find the love and joy in each day has made it one of the most beautiful years of my life yet.
So if you know me, you know I love adventures. I think you can find adventures in your everyday, and when I use the #valentasfamilyadventures, to me it is mostly a time, great or small, that I feel so grateful and so happy for this life I get to live. It's not simple, or perfect, or easy, but those adventures make it worth it and for as long as I live, I'll take every chance I get to have another adventure and make another memory doing things I love with people I love. And that's why August, my birthday month, is going to be focusing on our adventures each day. My hashtag MUST have illiteration (of course) so I'm excited to soak up the last days of summer and the first days of the school year with #augustadventures. Hope we inspire you to have one of your own!
Monday, July 9, 2018
Juggling in July
We sure enjoyed June this year!!! Despite some heartache and life challenges, I feel like we dove head first into relishing and living our best life all month long...which helped since we started June in Disney World! We (or mostly me) had the post-vacation blues, so I continued too much of my eating/spending/crazy sleep scheduling for the month, so we started July feeling pretty blaahhh. It was like I was a rebellious teenager, testing the boundaries and undoing healthier habits I had created to improve parts of our lives I didn't love so much.
So to keep it short and sweet, in July, I am juggling my way back to doing some of those helpful and important habits I started these last 6 months: eating healthier, leaving space for self care, putting down my phone more and living more intentionally, especially with the kiddos, advocating for those in need and staying engaged in the sad/beautiful world around us, making my mornings count, and taking moments each day to just enjoy this little life. I know better now that I, of course, cannot do every single one of these perfectly each day, but if I can pause a little more and maybe YOLO a little less, I can continue to find more balance in all areas of my life.
Proud of myself for what I've accomplished so far this year, and feeling hopeful for where the next 6 months will take me. Thanks for reading along and caring about my little for the love of 2018 journey over here!
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
Enjoying June
We are well over halfway through this month already (how did THAT happen!?!), and though I haven't "officially announced" a new habit for the month, I have been focusing in on enjoying each day and finding time to be outside. We started this month at Walt Disney World (#HeavenonEarth) and it was easy to enjoy AND spend time outside, but getting back home, and into the swing of regular life, has been a little more difficult in ways. We're happy it's summertime, which means time with friends and nothing on our schedule. But I think the thing that has been most difficult for me this month is the evidence of how quickly time goes by, and it pinpoints why I was so sad after we returned from our trip. It was pretty darn magical with Ellie being 5 and Walt being 2 because we got to see them truly believe in the things they were experiencing. We're not sure when we'll get to go again, but we do know they'll be a couple years older, and I just want them to stay in this magical stage forever. But I know they certainly won't.
As I've been enjoying our days together, this month has also brought a lot of perspective for me. I've found that there's not just good seasons or bad seasons of life, but just life. Some of 2016 and most of 2017 I kept waiting for the "hard stuff" to pass, so I could get back to enjoying life, but now I know that that's just how life is. All intermingled and interwoven, but you have to focus on the best and enjoy it with your whole heart.
And that's the legacy of the life Beth lived. We lost this dear friend and former owner of our house this month, almost one year from when we bought this house. The story of her life and this home that welcomed so many continues to amaze me: she was the best at enjoying all the moments, being grateful, and helping others...her life was an example of one well-lived. We attended her viewing and funeral, and were able to meet and talk with each of her children and other family members, as well as many long-time friends. Everyone we met spoke so highly of her and how lucky they were to know her. We learned at her service that she loved fishing, believed in UFOs, and was always up for an adventure. Beth went above and beyond to care for the children she helped care for at the now JD McCarty Center, giving each child a hug each day. She positively impacted so many people...her children, her neighbors, her children's friends, her coworkers, the people she went to church with, the children she worked with, the mail lady, and so many more. Her light and love set off a domino effect here in our little Norman corner of the world, and her warmth can be felt here still. I have been struggling a little, asking the "what ifs" about my own life and if I am "living it right". But I have seen time and time again, God sending me little signs that answer my questions and worries, before I can even put them into words myself. It feels somewhat silly to say this, but I still truly believe His hand was in us getting this house. Though this isn't the end of our story here, to look back on what this year has brought us, in all the good ways, and bad ways, and blessings, and challenges ahead, it's all connected, and it's just incredible to see how God's plan is so interwoven and He's there with us every step along the way. The chapter that Beth wrote for this house was something I could have only dreamt of, and now I get to continue with this story. God sees the deepest desires of our hearts and wants to give us those things, even when we think it might never ever come true. I hope I can live my life with such grace, kindness, and love that Beth did. Her casket was taken out to "Spirit in Sky" by Norman Greenbaum, and as her last moment with us, she left us all with a smile on our face and a peace that she's in "the place that's the best". What a beautiful lady that I am so grateful we got to know.
Life is so fleeting and I want to make the most of mine, which is why this "Enjoying June" has been so important to me. It's easy to sit and wallow in self-pity about how hard life can be, just in general really. But I have seen a great contrast in ways to live life, and how it can end up based on the choices you make, and it's clearer than ever how I hope to live mine. Feeling very thankful this month and looking forward to enjoying this sweet summertime together before life changes again.
As I've been enjoying our days together, this month has also brought a lot of perspective for me. I've found that there's not just good seasons or bad seasons of life, but just life. Some of 2016 and most of 2017 I kept waiting for the "hard stuff" to pass, so I could get back to enjoying life, but now I know that that's just how life is. All intermingled and interwoven, but you have to focus on the best and enjoy it with your whole heart.
And that's the legacy of the life Beth lived. We lost this dear friend and former owner of our house this month, almost one year from when we bought this house. The story of her life and this home that welcomed so many continues to amaze me: she was the best at enjoying all the moments, being grateful, and helping others...her life was an example of one well-lived. We attended her viewing and funeral, and were able to meet and talk with each of her children and other family members, as well as many long-time friends. Everyone we met spoke so highly of her and how lucky they were to know her. We learned at her service that she loved fishing, believed in UFOs, and was always up for an adventure. Beth went above and beyond to care for the children she helped care for at the now JD McCarty Center, giving each child a hug each day. She positively impacted so many people...her children, her neighbors, her children's friends, her coworkers, the people she went to church with, the children she worked with, the mail lady, and so many more. Her light and love set off a domino effect here in our little Norman corner of the world, and her warmth can be felt here still. I have been struggling a little, asking the "what ifs" about my own life and if I am "living it right". But I have seen time and time again, God sending me little signs that answer my questions and worries, before I can even put them into words myself. It feels somewhat silly to say this, but I still truly believe His hand was in us getting this house. Though this isn't the end of our story here, to look back on what this year has brought us, in all the good ways, and bad ways, and blessings, and challenges ahead, it's all connected, and it's just incredible to see how God's plan is so interwoven and He's there with us every step along the way. The chapter that Beth wrote for this house was something I could have only dreamt of, and now I get to continue with this story. God sees the deepest desires of our hearts and wants to give us those things, even when we think it might never ever come true. I hope I can live my life with such grace, kindness, and love that Beth did. Her casket was taken out to "Spirit in Sky" by Norman Greenbaum, and as her last moment with us, she left us all with a smile on our face and a peace that she's in "the place that's the best". What a beautiful lady that I am so grateful we got to know.
Life is so fleeting and I want to make the most of mine, which is why this "Enjoying June" has been so important to me. It's easy to sit and wallow in self-pity about how hard life can be, just in general really. But I have seen a great contrast in ways to live life, and how it can end up based on the choices you make, and it's clearer than ever how I hope to live mine. Feeling very thankful this month and looking forward to enjoying this sweet summertime together before life changes again.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
May Mornings
It's May! Hooray! Did you know that I love alliteration and rhyming?!? But really...happy to see a new month and hopeful for a good one. April was a hard one for many of us, and we all need some hope on the horizon (aka summertime).
But I think I survived April BECAUSE of the hard work I put in January-March, and the things I learned about myself and the skills and understanding I gained helped me going each day. Progress still continues on finishing "Food Freedom Forever" and gaining my own "food freedom", and feel that is not quite finished, and really might never be. But I can fit into ALL my clothes I have now pre-baby, and I feel so much better. I can identify days when I have gone overboard, and then that being the reason I don't feel so great mentally and physically. It taught me I can do hard things, and that self-efficacy holds true still.
February helped so much as I focused on a new concept for me...guilt-free alone time each day as self-care. And though I don't always get some in the same way each day, I do something for myself, whether it be reading, watching a show with Chris after the kids are in bed, exercise, writing, crafting, napping, or just something other than sitting on my phone and scrolling through my social media numbly. It's given me more time to do the things I love, and sometimes that means letting the to-do list go.
March I spent time each day intentionally doing something with the kids. I feel like I enjoyed being their momma more than I have for a long time because I let go of my own too-lofty expectations of my day and compared myself less and just let myself sit with them or play with them. It has spilled over into my marriage too, and Chris's relationship with the kids. We spend more time outside, more time together on little local "adventures", and more time focusing on our family instead of zoning out on our phones. I'd like to get back to do more of intentional time again, but their sweet little faces are what helped me survive and reminded me of the simple joys of life when it was easy to feel tired/overwhelmed/frustrated/discouraged/sad.
All of these things "filled my tank" for a kinda crazy month of April, and while I feel I could have done better in many ways, I did learn a lot about our state, it's government, and ways to help a cause that's near and dear to my heart. When we know better, we do better, and I know I'll continue to be an advocate for education in whatever capacity and way that I can. April handed us some tough stuff with our families emotionally too, and while all those things aren't over OR sorted out OR we know what the last page of this chapter will look like, we are continuing to make it through each day and find the things we love about life despite the hard ones.
SOOOO...that brings me to where we are today! And what new habit I'd like to create for May. I've been wanting to do this one really since January but haven't quite wrapped my brain around it until now. As I am sure many of you do, I have this LOOOONG undone to-do list that floats around in my brain and kind of weighs on my shoulders. I have lots of good ideas (haha) but the follow through is not always there. With my Grandma Ginnie passing away this month, it left me with some regret in not saying and doing some things I had planned to do. Our relationship and story is long and complex, but I have not had contact with her in about a year, some due to convenience, some due to choice, and some due to self-preservation and boundaries. But Ellie and I had started a little book for her, and never finished it, and I never got to tell her about our life in 2017, and all it's ups and downs. I hadn't been back to Kearney, so I didn't get a chance to see her, but I knew that this is something I don't love about myself/my life, and that well-intentioned to-do is a burden when I never actually do those things. If you know me, you know I like to stay up late and sleep in, which really doesn't work out great if you're a parent, but I've had a pretty good setup for quite some time. BUT I feel like I could better expound on those morning minutes if I could make my mornings different.
As with other months/habits, I've been "testing the waters" to see how it makes me feel. Right now, I go lay back in bed after Ellie and Chris leave for school/work, and mindlessly look at Facebook/Instagram. Before I know it 30 minutes (or more...yikes!) have passed by and really I don't like how that feels to start the day behind. My hope is that I can change my morning routine (for at least this month) to: get up/wake up around 7:00, help get Ellie ready for school, spend a few moments organizing my brain for the day, focus on one "chore" to accomplish before getting Walt up, make my bed, exercise before I pickup Ellie, and just start the day in a more peaceful way. Changing this morning routine will then help me get some of those long overdue items completed (I've got a list of 50 things right now already!!!) whether it be finishing a project, sending a note or thank you to someone I love, completing a book, or trying something I've always wanted to.
So here I am, another month of 2018 down and a new one started. It somewhat scares me to say this, as if I am going to somehow jinx myself, but I can't wait to see where I am at the end of 2018 with 12 months of learning, trying hard things, and helping myself be more of who I want to be...a person of much more love and light.
But I think I survived April BECAUSE of the hard work I put in January-March, and the things I learned about myself and the skills and understanding I gained helped me going each day. Progress still continues on finishing "Food Freedom Forever" and gaining my own "food freedom", and feel that is not quite finished, and really might never be. But I can fit into ALL my clothes I have now pre-baby, and I feel so much better. I can identify days when I have gone overboard, and then that being the reason I don't feel so great mentally and physically. It taught me I can do hard things, and that self-efficacy holds true still.
February helped so much as I focused on a new concept for me...guilt-free alone time each day as self-care. And though I don't always get some in the same way each day, I do something for myself, whether it be reading, watching a show with Chris after the kids are in bed, exercise, writing, crafting, napping, or just something other than sitting on my phone and scrolling through my social media numbly. It's given me more time to do the things I love, and sometimes that means letting the to-do list go.
March I spent time each day intentionally doing something with the kids. I feel like I enjoyed being their momma more than I have for a long time because I let go of my own too-lofty expectations of my day and compared myself less and just let myself sit with them or play with them. It has spilled over into my marriage too, and Chris's relationship with the kids. We spend more time outside, more time together on little local "adventures", and more time focusing on our family instead of zoning out on our phones. I'd like to get back to do more of intentional time again, but their sweet little faces are what helped me survive and reminded me of the simple joys of life when it was easy to feel tired/overwhelmed/frustrated/discouraged/sad.
All of these things "filled my tank" for a kinda crazy month of April, and while I feel I could have done better in many ways, I did learn a lot about our state, it's government, and ways to help a cause that's near and dear to my heart. When we know better, we do better, and I know I'll continue to be an advocate for education in whatever capacity and way that I can. April handed us some tough stuff with our families emotionally too, and while all those things aren't over OR sorted out OR we know what the last page of this chapter will look like, we are continuing to make it through each day and find the things we love about life despite the hard ones.
SOOOO...that brings me to where we are today! And what new habit I'd like to create for May. I've been wanting to do this one really since January but haven't quite wrapped my brain around it until now. As I am sure many of you do, I have this LOOOONG undone to-do list that floats around in my brain and kind of weighs on my shoulders. I have lots of good ideas (haha) but the follow through is not always there. With my Grandma Ginnie passing away this month, it left me with some regret in not saying and doing some things I had planned to do. Our relationship and story is long and complex, but I have not had contact with her in about a year, some due to convenience, some due to choice, and some due to self-preservation and boundaries. But Ellie and I had started a little book for her, and never finished it, and I never got to tell her about our life in 2017, and all it's ups and downs. I hadn't been back to Kearney, so I didn't get a chance to see her, but I knew that this is something I don't love about myself/my life, and that well-intentioned to-do is a burden when I never actually do those things. If you know me, you know I like to stay up late and sleep in, which really doesn't work out great if you're a parent, but I've had a pretty good setup for quite some time. BUT I feel like I could better expound on those morning minutes if I could make my mornings different.
As with other months/habits, I've been "testing the waters" to see how it makes me feel. Right now, I go lay back in bed after Ellie and Chris leave for school/work, and mindlessly look at Facebook/Instagram. Before I know it 30 minutes (or more...yikes!) have passed by and really I don't like how that feels to start the day behind. My hope is that I can change my morning routine (for at least this month) to: get up/wake up around 7:00, help get Ellie ready for school, spend a few moments organizing my brain for the day, focus on one "chore" to accomplish before getting Walt up, make my bed, exercise before I pickup Ellie, and just start the day in a more peaceful way. Changing this morning routine will then help me get some of those long overdue items completed (I've got a list of 50 things right now already!!!) whether it be finishing a project, sending a note or thank you to someone I love, completing a book, or trying something I've always wanted to.
So here I am, another month of 2018 down and a new one started. It somewhat scares me to say this, as if I am going to somehow jinx myself, but I can't wait to see where I am at the end of 2018 with 12 months of learning, trying hard things, and helping myself be more of who I want to be...a person of much more love and light.
Friday, April 20, 2018
Advocate in April
For the past four weeks, I have wanted to write something here that would accurately express what it feels like to be a teacher in Oklahoma, how much gratitude and pride I have for those who continue to teach here, and what we can each do to help support public education in our communities. It is easy to get overwhelmed with all the details, perspectives, and arguments, and honestly often leaves me feeling hopeless...but I just simply can't surrender to that, because it effects every single person in our community. I am not sure I have the words for all this, but I have to try, and why this is so important for me (and all of us) to do this month (and beyond).
What does it feel like to be a teacher in Oklahoma? Well, as many headed back to their classrooms this week and many also continued the fight at the Capitol, I can imagine a teacher in Oklahoma feels discouraged by our legislators, but encouraged by community support, hopeless that nothing will ever change in our red-seemingly-anti-public-ed state, but hopeful in the next generation of voters and educators, ecstatic to see their students and get back to doing what they LOVE doing, but defeated that they couldn't return with a clear victory, and lastly, I can imagine they all feel VERY VERY tired. Tired of being questioned by anyone and everyone about their career choices, their teaching methods, their knowledge from years of higher education, professional development, and experience, their desire to earn a living wage, and most of all, the love they have for "their kids" that sit in their classroom each day. They don't want to be martyrs, they don't want to be heroes, but they just want to teach kids. It's a calling that they feel greatly, and they shouldn't have to apologize or justify that. It is exhausting work for sure, but when they help a student through a challenging math problem, complete an English paper, fill out a job/college application, or reach any other little goal in life, that is what makes it worthwhile.
For a very long time, I knew I wanted to be a teacher, and I wanted to teach special education. It was a calling for me too...something I knew I had to do. Like I explained, it was the hardest work I have ever done, but oh so worth it, and one of the biggest things I took with me when I left the classroom is what an honor it was to work with such incredible people inside and outside the classroom. Many of the very best people in my life have been and are teachers. They are kind, giving, encouraging, hard-working, dedicated, loving, faithful, and brave. Teachers continue to walk into their classrooms each day ready to love on and help these little (and big teenage) people learn, despite their fears of not being a good enough teacher, not reaching every kid when they need, not seeing the issues their students face each day, not being able to protect their classroom from an intruder or another horrible tragedy, and not being valued by the families of their students, their district, their communities, their state, and their country. My appreciation for the work they do everyday has grown exponentially this year, as together her teachers and I have worked through some frightening and uncertain circumstances that neither of us could control. I am so grateful for teachers, not only because I have been there, but because of the difference they have made in my whole life...from elementary to high school, and from my professional life to being the mother of a preschooler.
In some ways, it seems hard or overwhelming to know just how to support teachers, but there are so many ways. The most obvious and simple way is to send a note of gratitude to a teacher in your life. Words of encouragement helped me get through on the hardest of days. Though not necessary, receiving gifts as a teacher was just the best! Supplies for their classrooms are always needed, and I don't know one teacher that would turn down a Starbucks coffee or a gift card to their favorite place to eat. If you aren't sure exactly what teachers need for their classrooms, there is a Facebook group called "Oklahoma Education Needs/Donations". But MOST OF ALL...they need your support by staying civicly informed and engaged. The walkout may be over, but their and our work is not done. There are a few groups you can join to stay informed on Facebook too, that share up-to-date information. "Oklahoma Teacher Walkout - The Time is Now" was created by a teacher and is updated regularly on what is happening legislatively and specific people to contact and what to say. "Oklahoma Central PLAC" gives factual and non-biased information about funding for public education in Oklahoma. These two groups can help you know what to talk to your legislators about, and even if you don't feel 100% confident in meeting them face-to-face, calling and emailing is important too. These contacts are noted and tallied, and they will be part of our states history, and hopefully change some legislators minds or at least provide substantial proof that they did not listen to their constituents. These two groups can and will help connect us to candidates (over 400 registered!!!) that support public education and we NEED to support them. Donate to their campaigns, knock on doors for them, and tell your neighbors/family/friends. Lastly, make sure you are registered to vote and get ready to vote FIRST in the June 26th primaries. And of course, remember in November to VOTE!!! I don't really have any magical ways to help support public education, but we have to try. I saying this more to myself than anyone...instead of being overwhelmed or feeling uniformed, just do something. We've spent too much time not paying attention over the past 10 years, and we now can see what the legislature has done to our schools. The time is now to help our teachers and our students.
Each month, I have checked through the days, somedays feeling accomplished and somedays not...but each day I knew what I had to do, and what I had to do to finish the "job". That's what makes this month feel so heavy. With each post shared, each message sent, each email written, and each phone call made, I hope that I am doing enough to make others understand and hopefully listen. I hope you can join me in some small way to help our students and teachers. We can't afford to lose more valuable teachers to other states, but we will continue to do so and emergency certify those without highly qualifying them to teach our kids. We will all suffer the consequences if we can't start a change.
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