Six Sweet Weeks with Ellie

We can't believe our girl is already 6 weeks old! She's growing each day, and we are loving watching her learn new things. Parenting is harder than we thought, but it is worth it when Ellie gives us one of her beautiful smiles. Her smiles start with her eyes, as they turn into half-moons, and her tiny mouth follows as it forms into the same shape. She gives us big toothless grins regularly now, and coos at us too. What a sweet girl! I don't want her to grow up, and I never realized how hard it would be as she reaches these milestones. It is exciting, and I catch myself saying, "I can't wait until she's old enough to...", but then I quickly retract my statement because this means she'll be growing up! I know I can't stop it, but I wish I could sometimes!

6 Weeks Old! 

Weight: 9 lbs. 8 oz.

Length: 23 inches

1. Eating? Ellie is nursing now about every 3-4 hours, and sometimes a bit longer at night! YAY! And I have saved more bags of milk, which I would have never imagined how proud I would be of them. Haha!

2. Sleeping? She is still sleeping in our room in a bassinet mostly, but I am hoping to make the full transition to her own crib in the next week or so. I love have her nearby though, and if I move her, it really means she's growing up! She consistently sleeps 3-4 hours at a time now, and I am thankful for that. She even slept 6 hours two nights in a row this week! YAY!

3. Milestones? These past two weeks we've had many firsts and new memories as our new little family of three. We had our first family dinner out together, just us, at Pei Wei. She also slept in her crib at night for the first time. To celebrate Ashley graduating from OU, we went out to eat and had to leave her for the first time too! But we were okay and so was she, since Uncle Darin came and watched her! A few other firsts this week were: a trip to Penn Square Mall, cupcakes from Cuppies & Joe, and hung outside in the garden while mom did some yardwork! Now she is wearing 0-3 month sized clothes, which makes me sad! And she smiles a lot more at us, and has even "talked" to us a few times! But our poor girl has also had a rough week or so with her baby acne, heat rash on her neck, and first diaper rash. She is hot natured like us so we are trying to keep her cool better.

4. Activities and adventures? We had two main events these past two weeks, and they were both last weekend. Auntie Ashley graduated from OU with her Bachelor's degree, so we went and watched her get her diploma! Hooray! We are so proud of her! We celebrated at Melting Pot, which is when Ellie stayed with Darin, and had a serious blowout all on his lap. Silly girl! It was my very first Mother's Day, and our moms allowed us to spend the day together doing what whatever we wanted! We had breakfast, hung out together, visited our Mimi and Lola anyway, and then had a picnic on OU's campus  under our favorite tree. It was a wonderful day that even ended with shakes from Sonic and snuggles on the couch! She also had her first trip to Guthrie to see one of Chris's cousins graduate high school. She did great there, and was so glad to meet everyone!

5. Favorite baby item this week? Hmmm... Probably her Swaddle Me sleep sacks! She's gotten to the place where she kicks so much at night that her blanket comes off or gets wrapped around her, so we tried this out this week. I think it has been part of the magic combo of getting her to sleep 6 hours in a row too, though it hasn't happened every night. 

6. Favorite moment these past two weeks? My first Mother's Day...The whole day was fun because I got to spend it with my two favorite people! 

7. Looking forward to these next two weeks? I'm looking forward to summertime and school being out, though I haven't worked since Spring Break. But it will be fun to be able to see many of my friends, since they'll out of school too. YAY! 

8. Visitors?: No new visitors this week, but got to see several people we love! We also made our first trips to Mimi's and Lola's houses on Mother's Day! And when we went to Guthrie for Stasjha's graduation, she finally got to meet cousins Stasjha, Jalen, Julius, and Rene, as well as Uncle Jose. They loved her!

9. One thing I've learned: That motherhood is hard, for reasons I never realized. But I'm doing it and will keep on keeping on!

10. My message to Ellie:
Wow sweet girl! Can't believe it's been 6 weeks! You are so beautiful and so sweet to us! We've gotten a bit more used to being parents, and now we know better how good of a baby you are. You are a good eater, a good sleeper, and you give us many sweet smiles when you're awake! I love watching you grow and learn, but I want you to stay my tiny baby forever. Everyone who meets you thinks you're so cute too, and they say that you look a lot like me. Your hair is starting to curl at the ends, especially after your baths. I love you so very much! 

A couple more favorites from these past two weeks:

First-Time Momma

My very first Mother's Day! I've waited all my life to finally be one and now I am. It's incredible, it's overwhelming, it's beautiful... All at the same time. This first Mother's Day will always be a very special one, and Chris and Ellie made sure to make it that way for me too. We slept in, that is after our last feeding, so when I finally did wakeup, I had several texts from sweet friends and family wishing me a happy first Mother's Day! What a great way to start the day! Then Chris made a delicious breakfast while I just held our girl. He gave me two cards, one from him and one from the "kids", where he put not only Eloise's handprint, but Lucy and Dexter's pawprints too! So funny!

First Mother's Day cards - one from my Mom and one from a friend!

Then we just hung out for a bit before we got ready, so that we could go see our moms. We hadn't planned anything with either of them, and I so appreciate them letting me have this first one to be free to spend however I wished, but it just didn't seem right to not see our mommas on Mother's Day.

We then came home and packed up for a picnic under our favorite tree on OU's campus, where we have gone many many times. We brought Miss Lucy too, since she always loves the squirrels! We were excited to find campus almost empty, and our spot open, so we spread out our quilt, unpacked our food, and just enjoyed being with each other. The weather was perfect and the sunlight was beautiful! 

The day ended with shakes from Sonic and baby snuggles on the couch. It was a simple day, but just what I wanted for Mother's Day!

These past five weeks as Eloise's mom have made me think even more about who I am as a person and who I want to be as a mom. It's actually what I think about most of the time, and if I am measuring up to who I want to be. This is probably the hardest thing about motherhood: it is a job that no one notices all that you do and you don't do any one thing excellently. Now don't hear me wrong...Chris tells me everyday how much he appreciates all that I do and helps a lot on the evenings and weekends, but I told him that the hardest part about not teaching anymore would be that i wouldn't get to hear all the encouragement and thanks from others on a day-in and day-out basis. And that's one of the few things I have been right about. Being a mom really tests your self-confidence and self-worth, since its really only you measuring up to your own expectations of what a mom truly is and should be. There is no other comrades in the trenches with you. It's just you. And my expectations of myself, or to do lists, are always much longer than any normal human could accomplish. But I think, "Well if I'm just sitting at home all day, I better get a lot done, since lots of moms do this AND work. If I'm not awesome at this with not working, then I must REALLY not have it together!" Finding balance has been my biggest challenge, and it's an internal one, which means the solution is not easily attained. It has been a battle between what needs to get done and what I have the time/energy to do so. I know that the woman I think I should be really is unattainable but for some reason, I still compare myself to her. And why do I this to myself? And why can't I either be better or get over it? I am not sure why, but one thing I can think to do is look to the women in my life that may not be perfect, but are doing this motherhood thing pretty well. 

First of all, I have been immensely blessed to have two amazing examples of what motherhood is really all about. I've talked of my Grandma Re many times before, but the woman I want to be always goes back to who she was: compassionate, selfless, generous, thoughtful, and fun. She was the quintessential 1950s housewife, and sincere about it in every way. She loved being a homemaker and loved her children. She sacrificed for them day after day so that they would have a good and memorable childhood, no matter whether or not there was enough money do it with. And my own Momma has these same characteristics and reminds me so Grandma Re! In these first weeks of mommahood, if there was anything I need, and sometimes didn't even realize I needed, my sweet Mom was there to give it, whether it be hugs, a listening ear, a delicious treat, or a new outfit for Ellie. Being a mom now makes me realize the kind of hardships she must have had to endure through those early years, but she did so loving me and always making me feel special and "worth it". I now better understand how she loves me too because of how I love Eloise. She is such a wonderful woman and mom to all 5 of us kids. 

I also see these traits in many other beautiful mommas in my life. There is...
...Compassion in the way Roxanne Noles, Brenda Webb, and Heather Caram teach and reach the "unreachables".
...Selflessness in the way both of my sisters, Jennie and Janae, have been moms heroically much longer than myself and have happy children, the way Heather Howard, in the midst of crazy yearbook time, takes the time to check on me and give me gifts, and the way Cheryl Hunt, my "Nebraska Mom", took care of me out of the goodness of her heart, in addition to her four children, when I visited my Dad and he had to work.
...Generosity in the way my mother-in-law, Tess, gives to friends and family in need, the way Joellen Buller gives of her time and energy to me on a regular basis, and the way Sara Purdy is always there to answer my texts full of questions and provide me with much needed advice.
...Thoughtfulness in the way my Aunt Jayne always has a snack or meal for us when we stop by, the way Kendel Hogan or Danielle Basset texts or calls just to check in on me, and the way my Aunt Carol has sent me such fun and sweet gifts over the years.
...Fun in the way Shayna Kutt lets go and spends time with her daughter, the way Shannon Pawley still remembers to be herself and spend time with friends, and the way Heather Caram always manages to make me laugh at the silly things that happen.
...And these admirable qualities are held by even more great women in my life, who will be or are wonderful moms themselves: Elizabeth Hoggatt, Katie Lentz, Celina Quiros, Jamie Rentzel, Jane Purcell, Calypso Gilstrap, Francesca Hunt, Martha Pangburn, Connye Griffin, Loan Vu, Lindsey Grotheer, Emily Deardorf... this list of amazing women could go on and on.

I guess my new goals should focus on being more like these women who have made such a big impact on my life, and not focus on not measuring up to the perfectly organized and fit woman, with a clean house and who never forgets someone's birthday, anniversary, or anything else, but who doesn't really exist. I want to remember to ask for help, to take time for me, and to relish in the moments when I'm holding my sweet girl.

Lastly, I'm so privileged to be Ellie's  momma, and I hope I can make her proud. I want to model for her the self confidence I sometimes lack and be there for her whenever she needs me. I want her to remember when she's big and grown how much fun we had together, not how "together" I seemed to be. I can now see that these are things I want most, even though I might fail at them too. The bottomline today is that I have had such wonderful women influence my life in ways that have made me the woman and momma I am. And who knew the one who would make the most impact would be a little lady named Eloise Marie, who made me a momma the very first time. Happy Mother's Day to the first time mommas like me, the mommas of many years and wisdom, and the ladies that will make great mommas!

Our First Month with Ellie

It's hard to believe it's been a month since I met my beautiful girl! It has flown by but I can't imagine life without her now. And though motherhood is harder than I thought it would be, I still love it because I get to be Eloise's mom. What a sweet girl we have!

 1 Month Old! 

Weight: 9 lbs. 3 oz. 

Length: 23 in

1. Eating? I am nursing her every 3+ hours for about 30 minutes. AND I am so proud that I now have two baggies of pumped milk in the freezer! :) Seems like TMI, but for those nursing mommies, you know what a big accomplishment that is!

2. Sleeping? We haven't had a "bad" night in over a week! Hooray! She sleeps about 3-4 hours at a time, and sometimes a little more if we keep her awake. She does really awesome during the day too with her naps so I can get more stuff done!

3. Milestones? Ellie had her first blowout while getting ready for Prom, as I was saying that she hadn't had any blowouts yet. Silly girl! And though I can't remember where we went for the first time eating out, we have done a lot of it over the past weekends! My tiny girl started wearing some size 0-3 month clothes, which makes me really sad! Slow down little girl!

4. Activities and adventures? Eloise helped setup and attend her very first Prom already! WOW! Chris had to bring her to Norman High Prom, so that I could feed her, and she of course got a lot of attention. We got my car fixed FINALLY which means we can now come and go as we please! More of an awesome thing for me than Ellie, but I am so thankful for that freedom now! Ellie got to meet my Dad, Grandpa Larry, for the very first time, and seeing him hold her was so sweet! 

5. Favorite baby item this week? We love her Chicco mini stroller! It is more compact and much easier to manage. It seems silly, but I really love it and can get it out with just one hand. YAY!

6. Favorite moment this week? Ellie finally meeting my Dad, Grandpa Larry! 

7. Looking forward to this week? I always look forward to the weekends with my family to just be together. 

8. Visitors?: Emily & Joel came over and brought us dinner, and they ate with us too. They have met her before, but it was so sweet for them to bring food. Francesca visited a few evenings too, and cooked us dinner as well! And of course, the newest person to meet Ellie is her Grandpa Larry, who thinks she is beautiful! 

9. One thing I've learned: That I can't get nearly as much done each day that I think I can! Learning to be okay with that too!

10. My message to Ellie:

WOW! My sweet girl is already a month old! These first weeks together have been more than imagined: more tiring, more beautiful, more overwhelming, and more wonderful. I love you so much and am so happy that I get to be your momma. There is so much I love about you, and each thing I hope I can remember as you grow. I love your play-doh ears, your tiny dinosaur cries, your long toes, all your dark hair, your expressive hands, your big gray blue eyes, your furry shoulders and back, and your beautiful olive skin. Your sweet smiles make all the hard stuff not matter anymore! I don't want you to grow up, but can't wait to see what comes next!

Here are some of our favorites from these past two weeks...

Meet Sweet Baby Ellie

These first weeks at home have been challenging, exciting, wonderful, confusing, exhausting, and beautiful. Having a baby and being a mom is the most difficult thing I have ever done, and each day has it's ups and downs. I am extremely thankful that I get to stay with her, and right now I am trying to find balance in these stay-at-home momma days. I want to cherish every moment with her, since I know they are fleeting, and before I know it, she will be big and I'll wish I could hold her tiny body again. But I am also trying to figure out when it's okay to take time for me: to rest, to read, to watch TV, to take a shower, to get items checked off that to do list, or to blog. And then there's the looming expectation of who I thought I could be as a stay-at-home mom: a perfectly clean house, dishes always done, laundry always put away, showered and ready by 10:00, and so on. Maybe I need to give myself a little break, since I'm only 3 weeks post-partum, but I am not as awesome as I thought I would be.  Though I miss parts of pre-mommahood, I love having this tiny miracle in my life that is part me and part Chris. I know with each week, it will get easier and I can do it. My greatest hope is that I don't have regrets by living in the moment and loving it with all my heart. I am not sure what this looks like exactly, but I am excited to figure it out while holding tiny Eloise Marie in my arms.

Since I kept a log of weekly progress through my pregnancy, I wanted to do something similar with Ellie as she grows this first year. So I will be answering 10 questions each week for these first 8 weeks, and then once a month after that about life together and how Ellie is growing.

1 Week Old! 

Weight: Birth - 8 lbs. 2 oz.

1st appt - 7 lbs. 4 oz.

2nd appt - 7 lbs. 8 oz.

 Length: 20.5 in.

1. Eating? Whenever she wants really! She acts hungry a lot, but we are figuring it out together.

2. Sleeping? At the hospital, she spent the nights in the nursery, and the first nights at home were pretty rough with her waking every hour or so. We tried many different things and each night gets better! 

3. Milestones? Slept 5 hours in a row one night, which was really awesome! We also had our first doctor's appointments, where at the first one on Tuesday, she was a little too underweight. But my milk came in that same day, so when we returned on Wednesday, she had gained four more ounces!

4. Activities and adventures? Though we stayed home a lot this week, we did venture out to our favorite store, Target, as well as the doctor's office twice. It was mostly a week of getting used to each other! Our first outing was to Sarah Doolittle's baby shower on Tuesday. I really needed some time with friends, and Chris took us and dropped us off. It was so wonderful to see everyone!

5. Favorite baby item this week? Our Boppy! I use it multiple times a day when nursing Ellie, and Chris has found a use for it: an armrest for video game playing! It is really the one thing we use the most and it is just a pillow.

6. Favorite moment this week? After she arrived, the rest of the time at the hospital we both really enjoyed. We just got to hang out with each other, and wait for people to come see us! Pretty easy! :)

7. Looking forward to this week? Her newborn pictures! I am also so nervous about them! Can't wait to have them done and see them!

8. Visitors? We have had a ton of visitors, but we are really enjoying it. While we were at the hospital, we had: Mimi and Papa, Brandon & Scott, Lola, Grandpa Tom, and Ashley, Danielle, Adam, and Mackenzie, Darin & Tai, Emily & Joel, Francesca, Joel & Emily, Lindsey & Lacey, Jennie, Scott, Hazel, & Jacob, Calypso & Ali, Dawn, Heather, and our nurses: Amy, Olivia, Courtney. Then at home this first week, we've had Grandpa & Grandma Cash, some NHS friends, Kendel, Cameron, Liz, Jessica, Shayna, and Harper, Joellen, Diann, Gretchen, & Joseph, Nanny Johnnie, Aunt Perla, & Aunt Jan.

9. One thing I've learned: That I know absolutely nothing. But I am excited to learn with Ellie, and hope to do so gracefully and with as little tears as possible.

10. My message to Ellie: 

I cannot believe you are finally here! You are more beautiful than I could have ever imagined, and share features of both your Daddy and me. It is amazing what a perfect blend of us two you are! You have the longest fingers and toes, and sweet little furriness on your shoulders and back. I love you more than I could ever imagine, and can't wait to see what you will be like. We survived this first week at home, two doctors appointments, and some sleepless nights together. What I know for sure now is that I know nothing about what I am doing as your Mom, but that I love you and will always try to do my best as I take care of you.

2 Weeks Old! 

Weight: 7 lbs. 14 oz. 

Length: 22 in

1. Eating? I am nursing her every 2-3 hours for about 30 minutes. I am thankful that breastfeeding is going good so far, and she seems to get enough from me
2. Sleeping? Miss Ellie sleeps 2-3 hours at night usually, but has a few bumpy nights this week, where she won't go to sleep no matter what we try! ARGH!
3. Milestones? Her newborn photos were taken this week by the amazing Angel Porch with Art & Soul Photography! They are beautiful and I can't wait to see more! She lost her umbilical cord while taking newborn pictures, which made this momma tear up! She has also started smiling at us while awake, though they are rare, and makes little noises at us now too. She is the sweetest when she does these things. We also survived Chris's first trip out of town, with much help from our Mimi. We were relieved to have him home, but were in good hands while he was gone!
4. Activities and adventures? We ventured out several times as a family to Target, and now the mall and Farmer's Market. Each time we learn a little more about being a parent, and a little more about what our new normal looks like. We are people who like to be on the go, so we are trying to teach Ellie how to do the same. We also went "out" on a Saturday night: to celebrate Heather Howard's birthday on the patio at Fuzzy's! Mimi also took us to BJ's, which was so nice to get out!
5. Favorite baby item this week? We love swaddle blankets! We have several to choose from and this is one of the main things that we know helps our little one get to sleep.
6. Favorite moment this week? Getting her newborn pictures done was a big relief this week!
7. Looking forward to this week? The three day weekend, where we can plant our garden and spend time together!
8. Visitors?: Hmmm...Let's see...So many! Besides our Mimi, Lola, and Auntie Ashley, who visit regularly, we had Aunt Jayne and Sara from Kansas on Saturday, as well as Emily, Jennie, and Jacob. Chris's mentor, Steve, and wife, Mary, visited as well. Then we had food brought to us many times this week too! We had Martha Pangburn, Carrie & Brian Werkman, Roxanne Noles, Jamie Rentzel & her girls, and Auntie Francesca again!
9. One thing I've learned: To not predict or plan what I think she will do during the nighttime hours. :)
10. My message to Ellie:
These first two weeks have been trying and challenging, but I can't imagine life without you now! I love holding you and just staring at you, whether you're asleep or awake. You have such expressive hands and make such funny faces. Your eyes are still deep blue, but look like they're changing to hazel a little bit. This week you look so much like your Daddy, but starting to look like me too. I love you sweet girl!

3 Weeks Old!

1. Eating? About every 3 hours, unless she sleeps a little longer. 

2. Sleeping? Still working on the 2-3 hour time frame, and she's again had some rough nights. I do not even try to speculate what she will do each night, because I am always wrong!

3. Milestones? I'm not sure if this counts, but we started using her swing this week some, and though it's not a cure all, it does help keep us a little more sane! We also were able to get our garden planted and did lots of yard work while tiny girl slept! YAY! And she attended her first OKC Arts Festival with our sweet friend group, which is a yearly tradition.

4. Activities and adventures? We went to the Farmer's Market again, as well as Target and the mall, which went much better than the first times we went. She is getting used to her carseat, and I think likes the comfiness of it overall. We watch Rachel Ray and Ellen everyday together too!

5. Favorite baby item this week? Her pacifier...I think this girl just loves to have something to suck on to soothe her! She's a good eater, so I feel good about giving her one right now. We will see about the future!

6. Favorite moment this week? This weekend when we snuggled with her in our bed for just a little while. She was awake and happy, and her bright eyes searched our faces. She is so cute when she just looks at us and give us a sweet grin!

7. Looking forward to this week? I am looking forward to taking her to school on Monday to meet everyone, as well as the weekend with my sweet husband. 

8. Visitors?: We had some repeat visitors this week, which is fine by me! We had Darin & Tai visit Saturday night, after sweet Cori & Andy Stephens brought us a delicious dinner. A friend from Tulsa, Eva, came and stayed with us Sunday night, and The Couches (David, Devin, and Addie) came over and brought us dinner. Our sweet friend, Melissa, brought us pasta made by her mom and hung out with us too! 

9. One thing I've learned: Finally I've learned to sleep when she sleeps. A few nights this week I've gone to sleep earlier after her last feeding for the day, so I am getting a few more hours on those nights. What a difference that makes! I also have brought a book to bed with me to read during feedings. Then I stay awake better too! I still love watching her little face though too.

10. My message to Ellie: 

We are learning so much together about how to do this motherhood thing, and I am so glad I have you to learn it with! I am thankful, this week especially, that I get stay home with you, and don't have to leave you with anyone else. I love that you are smiling at us with your big blue eyes, and that you are awake more and more. You were so beautiful when you were born, and though I didn't think it was possible, you are more and more beautiful each day. What a sweet girl! Let's keep learning together and getting good sleep every night! :)

And I hope to write about Ellie's birthday sometime soon too! Thank you, as always, for reading!