Being brave has never been something that comes easily to me. Really, I'd rather lay on the couch and watch mindless reality TV and eat dessert rather that face something uncomfortable. Or make myself really busy with fun activities or baking or crafting so I don't have to think about the hard stuff. But that doesn't really help for long unless you're just looking to be numb and disconnected.
As I explained in my last blog, 2019 feels like impending doom a bit and like I'm just waiting for the worst to happen or this "tough season" to be over. But over the past month, I've come to realize more (and accept more) that this is just kinda what life feels like. Hard and good and sad and fun all mixed together, sometimes even on a daily basis. And I've also realized (over many months of reading and listening and thinking to people smarter than me) that the only way to get over it is to be brave enough to just go through it AND find joy in the midst of it. So we've gotten back to the basics of surviving life with two kids and one on the way, and it's given us more space to breathe, spend time with people we love, and catch up a bit on the crazy busy of the last year or so.
And in this midst of surviving this past month or so, the word "FEAR" continued to arise for 2019. But I didn't like that and it is not the word I want to define us this year. Instead, I want it to be "BRAVE". So I've started looking for ways to be more brave. And ways I have been brave. And things that make me brave. This broader definition of brave has come from shifting my view, and doing some brave things, like starting to read a "devotional" called "100 Days to Be Brave". A year ago, there's no way you would have convinced me to do this. I would have been to afraid, because these kinds of "Christian-y" things make me feel too vulnerable, and honestly, like my ashamed, self-conscious, uncertain 16-year-old self all over again. And that's no where a 35-year-old mother wants to find herself. But by reading this book, and not always agreeing or loving everyday of it, I've learned to better hear my own voice (and the voices of those who know me the best and love me anyways) that is much more kind to myself.
This is just one of many little, seemingly insignificant ways I'm trying to be brave this year. And to give myself more credit, I was very brave last year too, though sometimes I minimized it, ignored it, or was drug through it...I was brave. And I will be brave again this year, doing things I might not think sound fun or magical, but things that keep popping up, reminding me that I have to try and learn. And all in the midst of scary things, I'll continue to look for things that help me be brave, like my children, my beautiful home, and words from brave women I get to call my friends.
Tuesday, February 5, 2019
Monday, January 7, 2019
New Year and New Intentions
With each New Year, comes a time of reflection and lingering awhile about the year that has passed, and while there is often some sadness, nostalgia, or regret, there is usually hope and motivation for the year ahead. But 2019 feels a little different for me, and I'm honestly not really sure I like it.
2017 was a pretty tough year...some big realizations about who we wanted to be as Christians and how that didn't align with people we love very dearly, a move that felt pretty significant for us and a big house with lots to do, Ellie starting school for the first time and many fears about the situation, strained and then broken relationships with family, illness in our family and serious illnesses in our extended families, and just feeling sad and overwhelmed and defeated and like joy was repeatedly stolen from us.
Then in 2018, we set out to process that painful year and fight tooth and nail to stand back up and stay standing. We needed to become more physically and mentally healthy, so I started counseling, spent more time being "conscious" of the world around us, and completed a Whole30. And challenges still came at us, with more serious family illness, the death of my Grandma Ginnie, the death of our dear friend Beth Sudduth, Ellie starting at a new school and going all day, dealing with some terrible two tantrums and two trips to the ER for Walt, the tragic death of JD, and uncertainty of if we were going to get pregnant with a third baby this year, along with other emotional ups and downs with any regular year.
We are so thankful for December of 2018 though, which may be in part of the let down I'm feeling for 2019. The holidays of 2016 and 2017 were so emotional, that these holidays of 2018 were so full of delight and joy and togetherness and calm and peace. I don't think I sentimentally cried all December! (That's a long time for me!) But tears began to flow as I tried to gather my thoughts on 2018 and my hopes for 2019...something that I typically enjoy doing and feel hopeful in doing so. It's almost like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, and waiting to see what the next big tragedy will be for us. To fearfully and anxiously wonder, "What's next 2019?" The emotions I've held at bay all season long are starting to trickle back in, and there are some challenging days ahead to deal with those feelings.
As I searched this past week for ways to put words to my complicated emotions on last year and this new year, I found a post written by Joanna Gaines, that explained exactly how I felt. My favorite part was: "I'm challenging myself in this new year to live for the now. The present. Taking in every breath, every sight, and sound and holding in dearly. Not thinking about how the good ol' days have passed us by or how the best is yet to come. But that right now, this very second, this is the gift. These are the days. These are the moments. And I'm going to breathe them all in. If there's pain and sorrow, or happiness and hope, let it in and then let it out. I want to enjoy the now because it's the only thing we can actually embrace."
She so accurately described the place I am in right now: I want to spend less time regretting and missing the past, and worrying or fearing what the future holds, but live more now for each day and live with the courage that we can get through hard things. Through my whole life, I've let those things steal joy from each stage of life, and I want to stop doing that. So I'm going to spend this year, the year we welcome our third little baby, being brave and living with more intention, for myself and for my family. Finding ways to connect with each day and each moment more, and less time comparing to others, the idea of how I thought something should be, or how I wish it was or still was. And I'm challenging myself to remember what 2018 has taught me: that we can do hard things and we can feel hard things and we can still be okay. That this fear/worry/anxiety is not a lack of faith or lack of strong mental fortitude, but just something I will always face and always have faced. That bad stuff can and does happen to good people, but to keep looking for the joy.
I set out at the beginning of last year to create more space to see that joy in the things I love most by creating new habits each month (and spending less time focusing on the things that didn't fill me up), but I didn't quite "finish" it with "announcing" and creating a new habit each day of every month (I'm looking at you October and November). I do hope to wrap up a few loose ends with ideas I had had for those months I missed: organizing/decluttering and working on photo projects. But I DID create more of a life I loved than ever before, and enjoyed having goals to focus on each month. I'm proud to be where we're at, even on shaky ground, and looking to be brave when we face what this year holds for us.
So 2018 was beautiful and hard all at the same time. But for 2019, I'm continuing to hold tight to the verse given to us two years ago, as this seemingly all began: "FEAR NOT, for behold; I bring you tidings of GREAT JOY which will be to all people...GLORY TO GOD in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men."
As the year has progressed, I've begun to write these for more for myself: something I'll be able to look back on and remember what we've been through, but all the joy there was through it. But if you continue to read my sporadic and sometimes seemingly random little blogs, I so appreciate you. Writing is therapy to me, and I always say this...but hope to do more of it this year. Thanks for reading friends. Much love to you and yours in this beautiful new year.
2017 was a pretty tough year...some big realizations about who we wanted to be as Christians and how that didn't align with people we love very dearly, a move that felt pretty significant for us and a big house with lots to do, Ellie starting school for the first time and many fears about the situation, strained and then broken relationships with family, illness in our family and serious illnesses in our extended families, and just feeling sad and overwhelmed and defeated and like joy was repeatedly stolen from us.
Then in 2018, we set out to process that painful year and fight tooth and nail to stand back up and stay standing. We needed to become more physically and mentally healthy, so I started counseling, spent more time being "conscious" of the world around us, and completed a Whole30. And challenges still came at us, with more serious family illness, the death of my Grandma Ginnie, the death of our dear friend Beth Sudduth, Ellie starting at a new school and going all day, dealing with some terrible two tantrums and two trips to the ER for Walt, the tragic death of JD, and uncertainty of if we were going to get pregnant with a third baby this year, along with other emotional ups and downs with any regular year.
We are so thankful for December of 2018 though, which may be in part of the let down I'm feeling for 2019. The holidays of 2016 and 2017 were so emotional, that these holidays of 2018 were so full of delight and joy and togetherness and calm and peace. I don't think I sentimentally cried all December! (That's a long time for me!) But tears began to flow as I tried to gather my thoughts on 2018 and my hopes for 2019...something that I typically enjoy doing and feel hopeful in doing so. It's almost like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, and waiting to see what the next big tragedy will be for us. To fearfully and anxiously wonder, "What's next 2019?" The emotions I've held at bay all season long are starting to trickle back in, and there are some challenging days ahead to deal with those feelings.
As I searched this past week for ways to put words to my complicated emotions on last year and this new year, I found a post written by Joanna Gaines, that explained exactly how I felt. My favorite part was: "I'm challenging myself in this new year to live for the now. The present. Taking in every breath, every sight, and sound and holding in dearly. Not thinking about how the good ol' days have passed us by or how the best is yet to come. But that right now, this very second, this is the gift. These are the days. These are the moments. And I'm going to breathe them all in. If there's pain and sorrow, or happiness and hope, let it in and then let it out. I want to enjoy the now because it's the only thing we can actually embrace."
She so accurately described the place I am in right now: I want to spend less time regretting and missing the past, and worrying or fearing what the future holds, but live more now for each day and live with the courage that we can get through hard things. Through my whole life, I've let those things steal joy from each stage of life, and I want to stop doing that. So I'm going to spend this year, the year we welcome our third little baby, being brave and living with more intention, for myself and for my family. Finding ways to connect with each day and each moment more, and less time comparing to others, the idea of how I thought something should be, or how I wish it was or still was. And I'm challenging myself to remember what 2018 has taught me: that we can do hard things and we can feel hard things and we can still be okay. That this fear/worry/anxiety is not a lack of faith or lack of strong mental fortitude, but just something I will always face and always have faced. That bad stuff can and does happen to good people, but to keep looking for the joy.
I set out at the beginning of last year to create more space to see that joy in the things I love most by creating new habits each month (and spending less time focusing on the things that didn't fill me up), but I didn't quite "finish" it with "announcing" and creating a new habit each day of every month (I'm looking at you October and November). I do hope to wrap up a few loose ends with ideas I had had for those months I missed: organizing/decluttering and working on photo projects. But I DID create more of a life I loved than ever before, and enjoyed having goals to focus on each month. I'm proud to be where we're at, even on shaky ground, and looking to be brave when we face what this year holds for us.
So 2018 was beautiful and hard all at the same time. But for 2019, I'm continuing to hold tight to the verse given to us two years ago, as this seemingly all began: "FEAR NOT, for behold; I bring you tidings of GREAT JOY which will be to all people...GLORY TO GOD in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men."
As the year has progressed, I've begun to write these for more for myself: something I'll be able to look back on and remember what we've been through, but all the joy there was through it. But if you continue to read my sporadic and sometimes seemingly random little blogs, I so appreciate you. Writing is therapy to me, and I always say this...but hope to do more of it this year. Thanks for reading friends. Much love to you and yours in this beautiful new year.
Thursday, August 30, 2018
Shop Small September
Though August is over, those #augustadventures have been so fun to focus on. It helped me pause at least once a day and look at life a little more with those rose-colored glasses, and I think there's certainly nothing wrong with that. It helped me focus on the last weeks of summer with Ellie and the first weeks of the school year with just Walt for the day. It's helped me look for the beauty that is really all around us, even on hard days or challenging situations. And it was fun taking the time to document them too, even through an exhausting month.
So now that we're five days into September (oops!), I want to focus in on small businesses, including my own. I hope it gives me the space and time for more sharing of the things we create, and that I can put aside the to do's and spend more time creating. Farm Girl Fair is coming up and we hope to have some fun new things as well as the old ideas we've loved too. So fingers crossed we can take them time to use our creativity!
Also, something that I would like to do better is shop small, especially for the holidays, and so I'm going to be sharing some shops I love. We might visit some new places and do some shopping ourselves too, and hope it encourages you to look to those small businesses you know around you and give them your business. I'm excited for this month, as it has been something I've wanted to do for quite sometime! Can't wait to share for #shopsmallseptember.
So now that we're five days into September (oops!), I want to focus in on small businesses, including my own. I hope it gives me the space and time for more sharing of the things we create, and that I can put aside the to do's and spend more time creating. Farm Girl Fair is coming up and we hope to have some fun new things as well as the old ideas we've loved too. So fingers crossed we can take them time to use our creativity!
Also, something that I would like to do better is shop small, especially for the holidays, and so I'm going to be sharing some shops I love. We might visit some new places and do some shopping ourselves too, and hope it encourages you to look to those small businesses you know around you and give them your business. I'm excited for this month, as it has been something I've wanted to do for quite sometime! Can't wait to share for #shopsmallseptember.
This is 35!
I can recall a recent post from my fav, Jen Hatmaker, about what it felt like to be in your 40s and how amazing it really was. If I remember correctly, she said that in her 20s, there was so much uncertainty and so much comparison, and then in her 30s she was still in the early "in the weeds" years of motherhood. She didn't quite know who she was or who she was fully meant to be until closer to her 40s, and while I do feel a bit still in the world of the thirty-somethings, 35 has brought me closer to the confidence and empowerment she described her 40s as being than any other year.
I have gone through a lot of big emotions this past year (or two actually), and experiences that I both thought I'd never have to encounter and/or didn't know how to handle. I don't mean to be so vague, but my point is that I have learned so much about the world around me and even more about who I am in this beautiful and tragic world.
1. Family is the most important thing.
2. Friends are a treasure given by God, to show you who He is and remind you better who you are.
3. I require a high "fun" ratio in my life to stay sane.
4. Sometimes I'm still a crazy Momma though and lose my noodles anyways.
5. I am different mom than I expected I would be or thought I should be for a long time, but I am still a good mom.
6. Some friends are meant to be in your life forever, and some are meant to be there for only a season. But it's still hard for me to let the friends of the latter go.
7. God cares about the things we care about, and wants to give us the desires of our hearts. Like this big beautiful house that I had resigned to never having, but then He gave it to us. And it has been one HUGE reminder through the challenges these past 18 months that He's taking care of us, even the seemingly little and insignificant things.
8. He created each of us differently for different purposes. There's no box Christians must fit in to be "good Christians". Just love God and love others.
9. Joy can be found in the hardest seasons of life, and it's the most important thing you can do in those hard times.
10. You can care about Bachelor in Paradise and the families who have been separated at the border and chips and queso and fully-funding public education in our state and wearing clothes that make you feel good all at the same time.
11. Ellie is the sweetest, most thoughtful, and most sensitive little girl I know. And I just adore her.
12. Walter is the most snuggly and hilarious two-year-old I know. And I am just in love with his curls.
13. Chris is the most selfless and caring person I have ever known.
14. A life lived focusing on your pain is a life lived in anger, bitterness, and hurting others.
15. A life lived working through your pain, asking for help, and choosing to find joy, is a life lived in love and kindness.
16. I looooove sugar, and my ideal afternoon nap time includes a cup of coffee and a baked good.
17. But whole food gives me a more whole life, in attitude, sleep, confidence, and overall mental and physical health.
18. Our parents are truly incredibly resilient people. All five of them. We've watched them face betrayal, being taken advantage of, heartbreak, a brain tumor, cancer, loss of a parent, reconciling childhood trauma, and extreme financial strain. But they are still who they were before, but even stronger now.
19. People are inherently good.
20. Always connect with others.
21. Taking the time to visit with the generations older than you is always worth it.
22. There's is much to be learned from children too.
23. The things that you're good at are gifts from God and you should use them to serve others.
24. I love hosting parties...themed food, cute decorations, and pretty paper goods, and there's nothing shallow or extravagant about that. If that's how I like to celebrate, then I should do it without any apologies.
25. Being the hands and feet of Jesus means loving the person right next to you.
26. Kindness goes a long way. Always be kinder than necessary.
27. Making your home a beautiful place isn't shallow either. Your home is your safe place, and it's where you can serve others best too.
28. Take your love and your gifts (crafting, quilting, gift-giving, speaking, writing, leading, gardening, teaching, or ANYTHING) and use that to serve others. We don't have to be missionaries in a foreign country or dedicate our lives to a non-profit to do good in this world.
29. How you treat those around you everyday will be the legacy you leave behind.
30. Spending time outside is tremendous for your mental health.
31. So is going to see a counselor. Even for a short time or on an as need basis, having someone to talk to can help bring great perspective and healing to your own life.
32. Even when it feels like it's not enough, keep doing your best.
33. Setting aside time for self-care everyday if not at all selfish, but helps you reset to be the best version of yourself.
34. When you inevitably mess up or make a mistake, say you're sorry. Even to your children.
35. The only way to deal with hard things or pain in your life is to go through it. You can't stuff it away or pretend it's not happening. Feel the emotions and sit with them. And eventually you'll be stronger and it won't hurt as bad all the time.
And so with that list (there's probably another 35 in this noggin'/heart of great growth this year), I'm going to use being 35 to do 35 things I've been wanting to do/that fills my life with joy 35 times. Sounds silly/crazy? I mean this in the most loving and kind way possible, but I don't care. Because this is 35.
I have gone through a lot of big emotions this past year (or two actually), and experiences that I both thought I'd never have to encounter and/or didn't know how to handle. I don't mean to be so vague, but my point is that I have learned so much about the world around me and even more about who I am in this beautiful and tragic world.
1. Family is the most important thing.
2. Friends are a treasure given by God, to show you who He is and remind you better who you are.
3. I require a high "fun" ratio in my life to stay sane.
4. Sometimes I'm still a crazy Momma though and lose my noodles anyways.
5. I am different mom than I expected I would be or thought I should be for a long time, but I am still a good mom.
6. Some friends are meant to be in your life forever, and some are meant to be there for only a season. But it's still hard for me to let the friends of the latter go.
7. God cares about the things we care about, and wants to give us the desires of our hearts. Like this big beautiful house that I had resigned to never having, but then He gave it to us. And it has been one HUGE reminder through the challenges these past 18 months that He's taking care of us, even the seemingly little and insignificant things.
8. He created each of us differently for different purposes. There's no box Christians must fit in to be "good Christians". Just love God and love others.
9. Joy can be found in the hardest seasons of life, and it's the most important thing you can do in those hard times.
10. You can care about Bachelor in Paradise and the families who have been separated at the border and chips and queso and fully-funding public education in our state and wearing clothes that make you feel good all at the same time.
11. Ellie is the sweetest, most thoughtful, and most sensitive little girl I know. And I just adore her.
12. Walter is the most snuggly and hilarious two-year-old I know. And I am just in love with his curls.
13. Chris is the most selfless and caring person I have ever known.
14. A life lived focusing on your pain is a life lived in anger, bitterness, and hurting others.
15. A life lived working through your pain, asking for help, and choosing to find joy, is a life lived in love and kindness.
16. I looooove sugar, and my ideal afternoon nap time includes a cup of coffee and a baked good.
17. But whole food gives me a more whole life, in attitude, sleep, confidence, and overall mental and physical health.
18. Our parents are truly incredibly resilient people. All five of them. We've watched them face betrayal, being taken advantage of, heartbreak, a brain tumor, cancer, loss of a parent, reconciling childhood trauma, and extreme financial strain. But they are still who they were before, but even stronger now.
19. People are inherently good.
20. Always connect with others.
21. Taking the time to visit with the generations older than you is always worth it.
22. There's is much to be learned from children too.
23. The things that you're good at are gifts from God and you should use them to serve others.
24. I love hosting parties...themed food, cute decorations, and pretty paper goods, and there's nothing shallow or extravagant about that. If that's how I like to celebrate, then I should do it without any apologies.
25. Being the hands and feet of Jesus means loving the person right next to you.
26. Kindness goes a long way. Always be kinder than necessary.
27. Making your home a beautiful place isn't shallow either. Your home is your safe place, and it's where you can serve others best too.
28. Take your love and your gifts (crafting, quilting, gift-giving, speaking, writing, leading, gardening, teaching, or ANYTHING) and use that to serve others. We don't have to be missionaries in a foreign country or dedicate our lives to a non-profit to do good in this world.
29. How you treat those around you everyday will be the legacy you leave behind.
30. Spending time outside is tremendous for your mental health.
31. So is going to see a counselor. Even for a short time or on an as need basis, having someone to talk to can help bring great perspective and healing to your own life.
32. Even when it feels like it's not enough, keep doing your best.
33. Setting aside time for self-care everyday if not at all selfish, but helps you reset to be the best version of yourself.
34. When you inevitably mess up or make a mistake, say you're sorry. Even to your children.
35. The only way to deal with hard things or pain in your life is to go through it. You can't stuff it away or pretend it's not happening. Feel the emotions and sit with them. And eventually you'll be stronger and it won't hurt as bad all the time.
And so with that list (there's probably another 35 in this noggin'/heart of great growth this year), I'm going to use being 35 to do 35 things I've been wanting to do/that fills my life with joy 35 times. Sounds silly/crazy? I mean this in the most loving and kind way possible, but I don't care. Because this is 35.
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
August Adventures
Earlier this week, I got to live a picturesque dream of mine...picnicking on a blanket in Harmon park ALL MY MYSELF. I've visited this park built in 1923 by the WPA all throughout my childhood, and always loved to think of my future self there with my husband and children, and when and if those days would ever come. It is the backdrop to many wonderful memories and many hopes and dreams, and to get a chance to be there and soak it in felt pretty darn magical. I knew a storm was a brewing' but continued to enjoy my snack, snap some lovely pictures on my phone, and write these ideas in my journal.
This whole solo-trip to Kearney that I just returned from has been like medicine to my soul... restful, nostalgic, fun, delicious, heart-warming, and most of all, without responsibilities or many worries. It included so many favorite things from my childhood, and getting to relive some of it was something I will never forget. It was a beautiful 'reset" to a crazy fun and busy summer, and a wonderful wrap-up of my #jugglejuly...where I've realized I'm never going to be able to expertly juggle everything I want to be amazing at, but that I'll often have to put one ball down or ask for help. There's simply not "enough" me to do it all every single day, and that's very very okay. I love lists, but my life is not defined by whether or not my to dos get completed each day, but more of what my love story for the day was.
And the whole goal for 2018 with my monthly habit changes/shifts was that I would fin more time to o the things I love, and more often put down the things that I did not actually love or serve me well...unhealthy habits, unhealthy relationships, and unhealthy thinking. The first half of 2018 hasn't been easy or everyday full of "accomplishment" or fun, but the work I've done to find the love and joy in each day has made it one of the most beautiful years of my life yet.
So if you know me, you know I love adventures. I think you can find adventures in your everyday, and when I use the #valentasfamilyadventures, to me it is mostly a time, great or small, that I feel so grateful and so happy for this life I get to live. It's not simple, or perfect, or easy, but those adventures make it worth it and for as long as I live, I'll take every chance I get to have another adventure and make another memory doing things I love with people I love. And that's why August, my birthday month, is going to be focusing on our adventures each day. My hashtag MUST have illiteration (of course) so I'm excited to soak up the last days of summer and the first days of the school year with #augustadventures. Hope we inspire you to have one of your own!
This whole solo-trip to Kearney that I just returned from has been like medicine to my soul... restful, nostalgic, fun, delicious, heart-warming, and most of all, without responsibilities or many worries. It included so many favorite things from my childhood, and getting to relive some of it was something I will never forget. It was a beautiful 'reset" to a crazy fun and busy summer, and a wonderful wrap-up of my #jugglejuly...where I've realized I'm never going to be able to expertly juggle everything I want to be amazing at, but that I'll often have to put one ball down or ask for help. There's simply not "enough" me to do it all every single day, and that's very very okay. I love lists, but my life is not defined by whether or not my to dos get completed each day, but more of what my love story for the day was.
And the whole goal for 2018 with my monthly habit changes/shifts was that I would fin more time to o the things I love, and more often put down the things that I did not actually love or serve me well...unhealthy habits, unhealthy relationships, and unhealthy thinking. The first half of 2018 hasn't been easy or everyday full of "accomplishment" or fun, but the work I've done to find the love and joy in each day has made it one of the most beautiful years of my life yet.
So if you know me, you know I love adventures. I think you can find adventures in your everyday, and when I use the #valentasfamilyadventures, to me it is mostly a time, great or small, that I feel so grateful and so happy for this life I get to live. It's not simple, or perfect, or easy, but those adventures make it worth it and for as long as I live, I'll take every chance I get to have another adventure and make another memory doing things I love with people I love. And that's why August, my birthday month, is going to be focusing on our adventures each day. My hashtag MUST have illiteration (of course) so I'm excited to soak up the last days of summer and the first days of the school year with #augustadventures. Hope we inspire you to have one of your own!
Monday, July 9, 2018
Juggling in July
We sure enjoyed June this year!!! Despite some heartache and life challenges, I feel like we dove head first into relishing and living our best life all month long...which helped since we started June in Disney World! We (or mostly me) had the post-vacation blues, so I continued too much of my eating/spending/crazy sleep scheduling for the month, so we started July feeling pretty blaahhh. It was like I was a rebellious teenager, testing the boundaries and undoing healthier habits I had created to improve parts of our lives I didn't love so much.
So to keep it short and sweet, in July, I am juggling my way back to doing some of those helpful and important habits I started these last 6 months: eating healthier, leaving space for self care, putting down my phone more and living more intentionally, especially with the kiddos, advocating for those in need and staying engaged in the sad/beautiful world around us, making my mornings count, and taking moments each day to just enjoy this little life. I know better now that I, of course, cannot do every single one of these perfectly each day, but if I can pause a little more and maybe YOLO a little less, I can continue to find more balance in all areas of my life.
Proud of myself for what I've accomplished so far this year, and feeling hopeful for where the next 6 months will take me. Thanks for reading along and caring about my little for the love of 2018 journey over here!
Wednesday, June 20, 2018
Enjoying June
We are well over halfway through this month already (how did THAT happen!?!), and though I haven't "officially announced" a new habit for the month, I have been focusing in on enjoying each day and finding time to be outside. We started this month at Walt Disney World (#HeavenonEarth) and it was easy to enjoy AND spend time outside, but getting back home, and into the swing of regular life, has been a little more difficult in ways. We're happy it's summertime, which means time with friends and nothing on our schedule. But I think the thing that has been most difficult for me this month is the evidence of how quickly time goes by, and it pinpoints why I was so sad after we returned from our trip. It was pretty darn magical with Ellie being 5 and Walt being 2 because we got to see them truly believe in the things they were experiencing. We're not sure when we'll get to go again, but we do know they'll be a couple years older, and I just want them to stay in this magical stage forever. But I know they certainly won't.
As I've been enjoying our days together, this month has also brought a lot of perspective for me. I've found that there's not just good seasons or bad seasons of life, but just life. Some of 2016 and most of 2017 I kept waiting for the "hard stuff" to pass, so I could get back to enjoying life, but now I know that that's just how life is. All intermingled and interwoven, but you have to focus on the best and enjoy it with your whole heart.
And that's the legacy of the life Beth lived. We lost this dear friend and former owner of our house this month, almost one year from when we bought this house. The story of her life and this home that welcomed so many continues to amaze me: she was the best at enjoying all the moments, being grateful, and helping others...her life was an example of one well-lived. We attended her viewing and funeral, and were able to meet and talk with each of her children and other family members, as well as many long-time friends. Everyone we met spoke so highly of her and how lucky they were to know her. We learned at her service that she loved fishing, believed in UFOs, and was always up for an adventure. Beth went above and beyond to care for the children she helped care for at the now JD McCarty Center, giving each child a hug each day. She positively impacted so many people...her children, her neighbors, her children's friends, her coworkers, the people she went to church with, the children she worked with, the mail lady, and so many more. Her light and love set off a domino effect here in our little Norman corner of the world, and her warmth can be felt here still. I have been struggling a little, asking the "what ifs" about my own life and if I am "living it right". But I have seen time and time again, God sending me little signs that answer my questions and worries, before I can even put them into words myself. It feels somewhat silly to say this, but I still truly believe His hand was in us getting this house. Though this isn't the end of our story here, to look back on what this year has brought us, in all the good ways, and bad ways, and blessings, and challenges ahead, it's all connected, and it's just incredible to see how God's plan is so interwoven and He's there with us every step along the way. The chapter that Beth wrote for this house was something I could have only dreamt of, and now I get to continue with this story. God sees the deepest desires of our hearts and wants to give us those things, even when we think it might never ever come true. I hope I can live my life with such grace, kindness, and love that Beth did. Her casket was taken out to "Spirit in Sky" by Norman Greenbaum, and as her last moment with us, she left us all with a smile on our face and a peace that she's in "the place that's the best". What a beautiful lady that I am so grateful we got to know.
Life is so fleeting and I want to make the most of mine, which is why this "Enjoying June" has been so important to me. It's easy to sit and wallow in self-pity about how hard life can be, just in general really. But I have seen a great contrast in ways to live life, and how it can end up based on the choices you make, and it's clearer than ever how I hope to live mine. Feeling very thankful this month and looking forward to enjoying this sweet summertime together before life changes again.
As I've been enjoying our days together, this month has also brought a lot of perspective for me. I've found that there's not just good seasons or bad seasons of life, but just life. Some of 2016 and most of 2017 I kept waiting for the "hard stuff" to pass, so I could get back to enjoying life, but now I know that that's just how life is. All intermingled and interwoven, but you have to focus on the best and enjoy it with your whole heart.
And that's the legacy of the life Beth lived. We lost this dear friend and former owner of our house this month, almost one year from when we bought this house. The story of her life and this home that welcomed so many continues to amaze me: she was the best at enjoying all the moments, being grateful, and helping others...her life was an example of one well-lived. We attended her viewing and funeral, and were able to meet and talk with each of her children and other family members, as well as many long-time friends. Everyone we met spoke so highly of her and how lucky they were to know her. We learned at her service that she loved fishing, believed in UFOs, and was always up for an adventure. Beth went above and beyond to care for the children she helped care for at the now JD McCarty Center, giving each child a hug each day. She positively impacted so many people...her children, her neighbors, her children's friends, her coworkers, the people she went to church with, the children she worked with, the mail lady, and so many more. Her light and love set off a domino effect here in our little Norman corner of the world, and her warmth can be felt here still. I have been struggling a little, asking the "what ifs" about my own life and if I am "living it right". But I have seen time and time again, God sending me little signs that answer my questions and worries, before I can even put them into words myself. It feels somewhat silly to say this, but I still truly believe His hand was in us getting this house. Though this isn't the end of our story here, to look back on what this year has brought us, in all the good ways, and bad ways, and blessings, and challenges ahead, it's all connected, and it's just incredible to see how God's plan is so interwoven and He's there with us every step along the way. The chapter that Beth wrote for this house was something I could have only dreamt of, and now I get to continue with this story. God sees the deepest desires of our hearts and wants to give us those things, even when we think it might never ever come true. I hope I can live my life with such grace, kindness, and love that Beth did. Her casket was taken out to "Spirit in Sky" by Norman Greenbaum, and as her last moment with us, she left us all with a smile on our face and a peace that she's in "the place that's the best". What a beautiful lady that I am so grateful we got to know.
Life is so fleeting and I want to make the most of mine, which is why this "Enjoying June" has been so important to me. It's easy to sit and wallow in self-pity about how hard life can be, just in general really. But I have seen a great contrast in ways to live life, and how it can end up based on the choices you make, and it's clearer than ever how I hope to live mine. Feeling very thankful this month and looking forward to enjoying this sweet summertime together before life changes again.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
May Mornings
It's May! Hooray! Did you know that I love alliteration and rhyming?!? But really...happy to see a new month and hopeful for a good one. April was a hard one for many of us, and we all need some hope on the horizon (aka summertime).
But I think I survived April BECAUSE of the hard work I put in January-March, and the things I learned about myself and the skills and understanding I gained helped me going each day. Progress still continues on finishing "Food Freedom Forever" and gaining my own "food freedom", and feel that is not quite finished, and really might never be. But I can fit into ALL my clothes I have now pre-baby, and I feel so much better. I can identify days when I have gone overboard, and then that being the reason I don't feel so great mentally and physically. It taught me I can do hard things, and that self-efficacy holds true still.
February helped so much as I focused on a new concept for me...guilt-free alone time each day as self-care. And though I don't always get some in the same way each day, I do something for myself, whether it be reading, watching a show with Chris after the kids are in bed, exercise, writing, crafting, napping, or just something other than sitting on my phone and scrolling through my social media numbly. It's given me more time to do the things I love, and sometimes that means letting the to-do list go.
March I spent time each day intentionally doing something with the kids. I feel like I enjoyed being their momma more than I have for a long time because I let go of my own too-lofty expectations of my day and compared myself less and just let myself sit with them or play with them. It has spilled over into my marriage too, and Chris's relationship with the kids. We spend more time outside, more time together on little local "adventures", and more time focusing on our family instead of zoning out on our phones. I'd like to get back to do more of intentional time again, but their sweet little faces are what helped me survive and reminded me of the simple joys of life when it was easy to feel tired/overwhelmed/frustrated/discouraged/sad.
All of these things "filled my tank" for a kinda crazy month of April, and while I feel I could have done better in many ways, I did learn a lot about our state, it's government, and ways to help a cause that's near and dear to my heart. When we know better, we do better, and I know I'll continue to be an advocate for education in whatever capacity and way that I can. April handed us some tough stuff with our families emotionally too, and while all those things aren't over OR sorted out OR we know what the last page of this chapter will look like, we are continuing to make it through each day and find the things we love about life despite the hard ones.
SOOOO...that brings me to where we are today! And what new habit I'd like to create for May. I've been wanting to do this one really since January but haven't quite wrapped my brain around it until now. As I am sure many of you do, I have this LOOOONG undone to-do list that floats around in my brain and kind of weighs on my shoulders. I have lots of good ideas (haha) but the follow through is not always there. With my Grandma Ginnie passing away this month, it left me with some regret in not saying and doing some things I had planned to do. Our relationship and story is long and complex, but I have not had contact with her in about a year, some due to convenience, some due to choice, and some due to self-preservation and boundaries. But Ellie and I had started a little book for her, and never finished it, and I never got to tell her about our life in 2017, and all it's ups and downs. I hadn't been back to Kearney, so I didn't get a chance to see her, but I knew that this is something I don't love about myself/my life, and that well-intentioned to-do is a burden when I never actually do those things. If you know me, you know I like to stay up late and sleep in, which really doesn't work out great if you're a parent, but I've had a pretty good setup for quite some time. BUT I feel like I could better expound on those morning minutes if I could make my mornings different.
As with other months/habits, I've been "testing the waters" to see how it makes me feel. Right now, I go lay back in bed after Ellie and Chris leave for school/work, and mindlessly look at Facebook/Instagram. Before I know it 30 minutes (or more...yikes!) have passed by and really I don't like how that feels to start the day behind. My hope is that I can change my morning routine (for at least this month) to: get up/wake up around 7:00, help get Ellie ready for school, spend a few moments organizing my brain for the day, focus on one "chore" to accomplish before getting Walt up, make my bed, exercise before I pickup Ellie, and just start the day in a more peaceful way. Changing this morning routine will then help me get some of those long overdue items completed (I've got a list of 50 things right now already!!!) whether it be finishing a project, sending a note or thank you to someone I love, completing a book, or trying something I've always wanted to.
So here I am, another month of 2018 down and a new one started. It somewhat scares me to say this, as if I am going to somehow jinx myself, but I can't wait to see where I am at the end of 2018 with 12 months of learning, trying hard things, and helping myself be more of who I want to be...a person of much more love and light.
But I think I survived April BECAUSE of the hard work I put in January-March, and the things I learned about myself and the skills and understanding I gained helped me going each day. Progress still continues on finishing "Food Freedom Forever" and gaining my own "food freedom", and feel that is not quite finished, and really might never be. But I can fit into ALL my clothes I have now pre-baby, and I feel so much better. I can identify days when I have gone overboard, and then that being the reason I don't feel so great mentally and physically. It taught me I can do hard things, and that self-efficacy holds true still.
February helped so much as I focused on a new concept for me...guilt-free alone time each day as self-care. And though I don't always get some in the same way each day, I do something for myself, whether it be reading, watching a show with Chris after the kids are in bed, exercise, writing, crafting, napping, or just something other than sitting on my phone and scrolling through my social media numbly. It's given me more time to do the things I love, and sometimes that means letting the to-do list go.
March I spent time each day intentionally doing something with the kids. I feel like I enjoyed being their momma more than I have for a long time because I let go of my own too-lofty expectations of my day and compared myself less and just let myself sit with them or play with them. It has spilled over into my marriage too, and Chris's relationship with the kids. We spend more time outside, more time together on little local "adventures", and more time focusing on our family instead of zoning out on our phones. I'd like to get back to do more of intentional time again, but their sweet little faces are what helped me survive and reminded me of the simple joys of life when it was easy to feel tired/overwhelmed/frustrated/discouraged/sad.
All of these things "filled my tank" for a kinda crazy month of April, and while I feel I could have done better in many ways, I did learn a lot about our state, it's government, and ways to help a cause that's near and dear to my heart. When we know better, we do better, and I know I'll continue to be an advocate for education in whatever capacity and way that I can. April handed us some tough stuff with our families emotionally too, and while all those things aren't over OR sorted out OR we know what the last page of this chapter will look like, we are continuing to make it through each day and find the things we love about life despite the hard ones.
SOOOO...that brings me to where we are today! And what new habit I'd like to create for May. I've been wanting to do this one really since January but haven't quite wrapped my brain around it until now. As I am sure many of you do, I have this LOOOONG undone to-do list that floats around in my brain and kind of weighs on my shoulders. I have lots of good ideas (haha) but the follow through is not always there. With my Grandma Ginnie passing away this month, it left me with some regret in not saying and doing some things I had planned to do. Our relationship and story is long and complex, but I have not had contact with her in about a year, some due to convenience, some due to choice, and some due to self-preservation and boundaries. But Ellie and I had started a little book for her, and never finished it, and I never got to tell her about our life in 2017, and all it's ups and downs. I hadn't been back to Kearney, so I didn't get a chance to see her, but I knew that this is something I don't love about myself/my life, and that well-intentioned to-do is a burden when I never actually do those things. If you know me, you know I like to stay up late and sleep in, which really doesn't work out great if you're a parent, but I've had a pretty good setup for quite some time. BUT I feel like I could better expound on those morning minutes if I could make my mornings different.
As with other months/habits, I've been "testing the waters" to see how it makes me feel. Right now, I go lay back in bed after Ellie and Chris leave for school/work, and mindlessly look at Facebook/Instagram. Before I know it 30 minutes (or more...yikes!) have passed by and really I don't like how that feels to start the day behind. My hope is that I can change my morning routine (for at least this month) to: get up/wake up around 7:00, help get Ellie ready for school, spend a few moments organizing my brain for the day, focus on one "chore" to accomplish before getting Walt up, make my bed, exercise before I pickup Ellie, and just start the day in a more peaceful way. Changing this morning routine will then help me get some of those long overdue items completed (I've got a list of 50 things right now already!!!) whether it be finishing a project, sending a note or thank you to someone I love, completing a book, or trying something I've always wanted to.
So here I am, another month of 2018 down and a new one started. It somewhat scares me to say this, as if I am going to somehow jinx myself, but I can't wait to see where I am at the end of 2018 with 12 months of learning, trying hard things, and helping myself be more of who I want to be...a person of much more love and light.
Friday, April 20, 2018
Advocate in April
For the past four weeks, I have wanted to write something here that would accurately express what it feels like to be a teacher in Oklahoma, how much gratitude and pride I have for those who continue to teach here, and what we can each do to help support public education in our communities. It is easy to get overwhelmed with all the details, perspectives, and arguments, and honestly often leaves me feeling hopeless...but I just simply can't surrender to that, because it effects every single person in our community. I am not sure I have the words for all this, but I have to try, and why this is so important for me (and all of us) to do this month (and beyond).
What does it feel like to be a teacher in Oklahoma? Well, as many headed back to their classrooms this week and many also continued the fight at the Capitol, I can imagine a teacher in Oklahoma feels discouraged by our legislators, but encouraged by community support, hopeless that nothing will ever change in our red-seemingly-anti-public-ed state, but hopeful in the next generation of voters and educators, ecstatic to see their students and get back to doing what they LOVE doing, but defeated that they couldn't return with a clear victory, and lastly, I can imagine they all feel VERY VERY tired. Tired of being questioned by anyone and everyone about their career choices, their teaching methods, their knowledge from years of higher education, professional development, and experience, their desire to earn a living wage, and most of all, the love they have for "their kids" that sit in their classroom each day. They don't want to be martyrs, they don't want to be heroes, but they just want to teach kids. It's a calling that they feel greatly, and they shouldn't have to apologize or justify that. It is exhausting work for sure, but when they help a student through a challenging math problem, complete an English paper, fill out a job/college application, or reach any other little goal in life, that is what makes it worthwhile.
For a very long time, I knew I wanted to be a teacher, and I wanted to teach special education. It was a calling for me too...something I knew I had to do. Like I explained, it was the hardest work I have ever done, but oh so worth it, and one of the biggest things I took with me when I left the classroom is what an honor it was to work with such incredible people inside and outside the classroom. Many of the very best people in my life have been and are teachers. They are kind, giving, encouraging, hard-working, dedicated, loving, faithful, and brave. Teachers continue to walk into their classrooms each day ready to love on and help these little (and big teenage) people learn, despite their fears of not being a good enough teacher, not reaching every kid when they need, not seeing the issues their students face each day, not being able to protect their classroom from an intruder or another horrible tragedy, and not being valued by the families of their students, their district, their communities, their state, and their country. My appreciation for the work they do everyday has grown exponentially this year, as together her teachers and I have worked through some frightening and uncertain circumstances that neither of us could control. I am so grateful for teachers, not only because I have been there, but because of the difference they have made in my whole life...from elementary to high school, and from my professional life to being the mother of a preschooler.
In some ways, it seems hard or overwhelming to know just how to support teachers, but there are so many ways. The most obvious and simple way is to send a note of gratitude to a teacher in your life. Words of encouragement helped me get through on the hardest of days. Though not necessary, receiving gifts as a teacher was just the best! Supplies for their classrooms are always needed, and I don't know one teacher that would turn down a Starbucks coffee or a gift card to their favorite place to eat. If you aren't sure exactly what teachers need for their classrooms, there is a Facebook group called "Oklahoma Education Needs/Donations". But MOST OF ALL...they need your support by staying civicly informed and engaged. The walkout may be over, but their and our work is not done. There are a few groups you can join to stay informed on Facebook too, that share up-to-date information. "Oklahoma Teacher Walkout - The Time is Now" was created by a teacher and is updated regularly on what is happening legislatively and specific people to contact and what to say. "Oklahoma Central PLAC" gives factual and non-biased information about funding for public education in Oklahoma. These two groups can help you know what to talk to your legislators about, and even if you don't feel 100% confident in meeting them face-to-face, calling and emailing is important too. These contacts are noted and tallied, and they will be part of our states history, and hopefully change some legislators minds or at least provide substantial proof that they did not listen to their constituents. These two groups can and will help connect us to candidates (over 400 registered!!!) that support public education and we NEED to support them. Donate to their campaigns, knock on doors for them, and tell your neighbors/family/friends. Lastly, make sure you are registered to vote and get ready to vote FIRST in the June 26th primaries. And of course, remember in November to VOTE!!! I don't really have any magical ways to help support public education, but we have to try. I saying this more to myself than anyone...instead of being overwhelmed or feeling uniformed, just do something. We've spent too much time not paying attention over the past 10 years, and we now can see what the legislature has done to our schools. The time is now to help our teachers and our students.
Each month, I have checked through the days, somedays feeling accomplished and somedays not...but each day I knew what I had to do, and what I had to do to finish the "job". That's what makes this month feel so heavy. With each post shared, each message sent, each email written, and each phone call made, I hope that I am doing enough to make others understand and hopefully listen. I hope you can join me in some small way to help our students and teachers. We can't afford to lose more valuable teachers to other states, but we will continue to do so and emergency certify those without highly qualifying them to teach our kids. We will all suffer the consequences if we can't start a change.
Friday, March 2, 2018
Self-Care Success
This journey to create new habits is personal, and my hope in sharing this here is both a record to look back on for myself, but also to hopefully inspire you to make changes in your own life if you find yourself complacent or unhappy, even when you look around you see so many blessings. Like I've shared, 2017 left me angry and confused, when I wished it (and thought it should have) left me joyful and grateful.
We wrapped up our Whole30, as well as our reintroduction, in February (which I still hope to post a final recap, favorite people to follow, and our favorite recipes of it all after I finish Food Freedom Forever), and while I had initially thought I would JUST focus on my phone "addiction" (but #srslytho), I found my method to be somewhat ineffective and decided to adjust a bit for February by not just TAKING AWAY, but ADDING and CREATING new healthier habits.
That first week after I installed the app "Moment", I was like a rebellious teenager trying to beat the average person's daily time on my phone. Not really, but that's kind of what it felt like was happening. I was feeling discouraged by my own attitude and inability to change, but I wasn't giving up just yet. I think my phone addiction also goes hand-in-hand with my anxiety about something horrible happening to someone I love, and me not knowing about it for hours, because that happened the night of Thanksgiving with my brother being rushed to the emergency room and the horrible discovery of the brain tumor. As I worry throughout the day, I reach for my phone as a reassurance that everyone is okay, then I get sucked into social media, which then I get sucked into not feeling as good about myself as I compare the pretty pictures there with my own life or abilities, or see a sad story that breaks my heart, and the spiral just continues downward from there. So my phone use is a complicated thing, but also an unhealthy thing.
I had also begun to feel some positive benefits to taking time to care for myself here and there in January, by just doing something I loved rather than something I had to do. So, I adjusted a bit and decided to focus on DECREASING my phone usage by FILLING a part of my day with something I enjoy so much that I used my phone less.
February started with some upcoming challenges and I knew there would be some of them, so I tried to remind myself to give a little more grace. Ellie had gotten the flu and I was simply surviving because Chris was traveling so much, and then I got the flu too. It was feeling a little reminiscent of 2017, but the difference was that I now had more tools to deal with my emotions rather than just eat them or stare ay my phone to numb them. And I was having some small successes like using my phone 30 minutes less each day on average! But I knew there was still more work to do.
So then the final two weeks of the month, I signed up for one of "Moment's" boot camps, which gave me a simple task each day to make me think about my phone usage like "no phone in the bathroom" or "delete one unused app". I was able to decrease my daily phone usage by 30 more minutes, making my total average one hour less! ANNND I pickup my phone 100 less times a day! That "extra" hour I have now, I have been using for self care, and my goodness...it has made such a huge difference in my level of cray cray.
Another HUGE part of feeling healthier mentally so far this year is that I begun counseling this month, and I am so grateful that I get to go every other week. It is incredible what a difference it has made for someone outside of my life to look in and help me find the reasons why I do the things I do, and how I can change the things I do that I do not like or that is not healthy. I leave feeling like a big boulder has been tossed off the mountain I've carried so much of my life, and given me a greater understanding of healthier ways to handle situations in life that are sometimes just so hard. My counselor speaks truth and reason to me, and I know I am becoming a better version of myself for me and for my family.
I feel a greater sense of calm, and therefore have a greater ability to have patience with my children, which is really the why of how this whole thing began anyways. I was taking out my sadness, anger, uncertainty, and anxiety on them, and I knew it was so wrong and so unfair. Like with my new habits I am creating, I also know there is more work to do here and everyday is still not "easy peasy", but I feel strongly that I can better manage my emotions because I take time to feel and understand and write down those emotions, instead of just numbing them. It has trickled into every other areas of my life too, and given my brain space to think and organize and remember important things, rather than just feel like I am simply surviving.
And lastly, for March I want to spend more intentional time with my children. I am with them all day everyday, and in the past several months, the actual care of them depletes me, leaving nothing left for playing or doing fun things together. And then my mind always wanders to all the things I SHOULD be doing or what I need to do next to stay one step ahead...Anyone else?!? Part of me wanted to feel guilty about not putting time with them as my first healthier habit in January, but I also know (especially now), that if I can pour into myself, I will have more to give to others. I've been testing the waters on this over the past week or so, and I have found that I really enjoy intentional time with them more than I have in a long time, and it is expounded upon when I see the joy it brings to them. More than once recently, Ellie has exclaimed, "This is the BEST DAY EVER!", and it's just because we were spending that extra time together.
And lastly, for March I want to spend more intentional time with my children. I am with them all day everyday, and in the past several months, the actual care of them depletes me, leaving nothing left for playing or doing fun things together. And then my mind always wanders to all the things I SHOULD be doing or what I need to do next to stay one step ahead...Anyone else?!? Part of me wanted to feel guilty about not putting time with them as my first healthier habit in January, but I also know (especially now), that if I can pour into myself, I will have more to give to others. I've been testing the waters on this over the past week or so, and I have found that I really enjoy intentional time with them more than I have in a long time, and it is expounded upon when I see the joy it brings to them. More than once recently, Ellie has exclaimed, "This is the BEST DAY EVER!", and it's just because we were spending that extra time together.
I've learned that these new habits are all intertwining and connected, and while I "complete" a month of changes, there is not only no exact start and end, there is also still work to be done daily with them. Trying something and it not working the exact way I think it will is not a failure, but just an opportunity to learn. These first two months of 2018 have been some hard work, but have already brought about some great change in my life, and have given me a better perspective about so many things. I'm grateful to be here, and I'm excited to see what's next. Thanks for reading friends!
Thursday, February 8, 2018
Happily Whole30!
If you would've told me a year ago that I could go thirty days with no dairy, no gluten, but most of all no sugar...I probably would've laughed at you. I am not a person of moderation or discipline really, and when it comes to food, I have no reservations there for sure. I eat with my emotions, and every single one of them: happy or sad, loving or angry, celebrating or mourning. My love language is food, for myself, and for the ones I love.
So when I started this first Whole30, I even thought it was insane for ME, of all people, to try to do it, but knew I needed to make a change, because I just didn't feel good, both physically and mentally. As I wrote in my last blog, 2017 was a doozy, and while I made some efforts to make my corner of the universe a little more joyful, I also didn't go all in, but I also tried to numb those BIG EMOTIONS more. I tried to avoid them, as I have done much of my life, instead of just feeling them or dealing with them in a healthier way. I was desperate for something to shift in me for both my physical and mental health, and I knew I needed something to click sooner rather than later.
This is why I chose this first off for the change of habit I wanted to make in 2018, and I am so glad that I did. It wasn't a "perfect" Whole30 and I still have more work to do on my Food Freedom Forever (first off, get the book!), but this has been a great learning experience for me. I have learned so many things, found so many unexpected non-scale victories, and created so many little new and positive habits.
So FINALLY here are our results!
Chris -
Lost 15 lbs. More self-confidence to not snack or reward with sweets. Tightened belt two notches and fit into his suit from our wedding! Traveled and stayed Whole30 compliant (HUGE!). More energy and less depressed about weight/size.
Kiley -
Lost 12 lbs. and 6 inches. Back to pre-Walt weight. Sleeping better, and clearer skin. Better self-efficacy to not snack or overeat. Less brain-fog/afternoon slump. Clothes fit better...some size 14s are actually loose! More motivation and energy.
Whole30 is not a "diet".
This is definitely not a "diet"; this is a reset meant to for a lifestyle change (insert my own eyeball here). I really didn't like to hear that phrase before Whole30, because I didn't want to do the hard work and I didn't want to say goodbye to all my "good friends" in food, for even one day. But it DID change my relationship with food. You see, food is not my "friend", but it is nourishment for my body, and I cannot give it more emotional power than that. I don't know how many days/what percentage/what my plan is for going forward from here, but I know that I cannot blindly and numbly eat without both physical and emotional consequences any longer. This is a HUGE paradigm shift for me, and though I'm not 100% there, I now know I have the strength to do it.
I have to meal plan/plan ahead for the week.
As a natural born planner, you'd think I love this. But I actually haven't been very good at it. Especially for breakfast and lunch. So I'd end up eating something sugary with a cup of coffee, and have brain fog for the rest of the day. BUT NOW (and something I know I'll continue to do), is plan the week's meals out, and take the time to prepare more healthy meals for EVERY meal.
Reflecting on each day before bed.
The power of reflection and the ability to find daily support through "Whole30 Day-by-Day" has been the make or break for me. Thinking at the end of each day or what went well, what didn't, and a plan for the next day was so good, and I especially loved writing out the NSVs each day too. I am excited and hopeful that I will continue this practice, instead of mindlessly scrolling through facebook.
I've learned how to read labels.
It's actually a little terrifying to now know how to read labels and menu nutrition. Most of all, EVERYTHING has sugar, in some form or another, and many hidden behind strange names. I remember reading pretty early on that food production companies add these to increase the flavor, which then further dulls our taste buds, which then requires more flavor (often artificial). When you know better, you do better. So I hope I will!
I don't have to eat all of anything.
Butternut squash soup? If I don't like it, don't eat it. Leftover cinnamon sugar toast from the kid's plates (why would they leave that anyway?!?)? Feels weird and feels wasteful, but it doesn't have to go in my mouth. I do have to eat for nourishment, so through this I've learned that even if I don't love my meal, I'll finish the parts that I do enjoy, and move on. I couldn't (and strangely didn't) go searching for something more to satisfy myself, because you know what? It wasn't hunger, it was JUST a craving.
I don't need a snack.
Well sometimes I did as a nursing Momma chasing two kiddos around, and I had a healthy choice always available. BUT a lot of the time, I was just bored, or needed to numb some emotion with eating something. I have said no to more cravings this month than I have probably done in the last 10 years. But I don't "deserve" to feel bad (guilt, bloat, brain-fog, or whatever else) by eating food that is not good for me. I deserve to feel happy and healthy.
I've learned how delicious food can taste.
Less than a week ago, I was honestly losing my mind thinking this whole thing wasn't working. I was cranky and wanted some chocolate, and the meals for the day were not my favorite, PLUS there was all the clean up too. But the last couple of days, it finally felt like it started to fully click...I didn't have nut butter or coconut on my fruit, I had a simple olive oil and vinegar on a salad, I made roasted veggies in the oven at the right temperature, and cooked meat properly, with just salt and pepper...and here's the thing: IT WAS ALL SO DELICIOUS! No sauces, special spices, or sugar, and it was good. I found myself "craving" pure and simple foods and I thought "who am I?"
I must ask myself "Is it worth it?"
From what I've read, the biggest mantra after a Whole30 reset is "Is it worth it?", and I found myself asking this question multiple times daily during our Whole30. It was never worth it, I learned, to throw away all the hard work for a goldfish cracker, a taste of cookie dough, or a sip of soda. And I learned that before I did this at least 20x a day...imagine how much that added up? So now as I move into the days of food reintroduction, and after, I've learned I cannot be "numb" and just eat, but stop, think, and be intentional about what I eat. This might be an easy practice for some, but it has not been for me, and I know it will be a challenging new habit but that I must do it.
Most importantly, I've learned that I can do hard things.
Self-efficacy is the biggest lesson I have learned through these hard 30 days. I have been met with all the emotions that would typically make me reach for a candy bar or a baked good, but I didn't use that to comfort me, because long-term it won't either. The biggest part of this has been the mental challenge, and I described it to a friend as "ripping the band-aid off a sore that still needs time to heal". Sounds fun, right? But really, that wound is there, whether I recognize it or not, so I'd better just face it. So much of my relationship with food has been emotional, and I am not "cured", but it has helped me take the first steps towards getting better. If I can do this hard thing, successfully even (!), what else can I do? There's so many things I've wanted to do and try and be, that I was too afraid to fail that I've had a hard time even starting. So here I go!
Lastly, there's more work to do.
I've said this already, but I must emphasize this. One Whole30 will not be the infinite change for me, but it was the beginning. I know both of these things, but I am willing and able to continue the work that needs to be done until I can find a balance that works for me and my life. I am not a better person or a person more worthy of anything more than I was on day one. I am not defined by what is on my plate, and I am not a "bad" or "good" person if I eat less-healthy food or more healthy food.
This is just the beginning of the blessings 2018 will hold. I am confident in that, and I am Whole30!
So when I started this first Whole30, I even thought it was insane for ME, of all people, to try to do it, but knew I needed to make a change, because I just didn't feel good, both physically and mentally. As I wrote in my last blog, 2017 was a doozy, and while I made some efforts to make my corner of the universe a little more joyful, I also didn't go all in, but I also tried to numb those BIG EMOTIONS more. I tried to avoid them, as I have done much of my life, instead of just feeling them or dealing with them in a healthier way. I was desperate for something to shift in me for both my physical and mental health, and I knew I needed something to click sooner rather than later.
This is why I chose this first off for the change of habit I wanted to make in 2018, and I am so glad that I did. It wasn't a "perfect" Whole30 and I still have more work to do on my Food Freedom Forever (first off, get the book!), but this has been a great learning experience for me. I have learned so many things, found so many unexpected non-scale victories, and created so many little new and positive habits.
So FINALLY here are our results!
Chris -
Lost 15 lbs. More self-confidence to not snack or reward with sweets. Tightened belt two notches and fit into his suit from our wedding! Traveled and stayed Whole30 compliant (HUGE!). More energy and less depressed about weight/size.
Kiley -
Lost 12 lbs. and 6 inches. Back to pre-Walt weight. Sleeping better, and clearer skin. Better self-efficacy to not snack or overeat. Less brain-fog/afternoon slump. Clothes fit better...some size 14s are actually loose! More motivation and energy.
Whole30 is not a "diet".
This is definitely not a "diet"; this is a reset meant to for a lifestyle change (insert my own eyeball here). I really didn't like to hear that phrase before Whole30, because I didn't want to do the hard work and I didn't want to say goodbye to all my "good friends" in food, for even one day. But it DID change my relationship with food. You see, food is not my "friend", but it is nourishment for my body, and I cannot give it more emotional power than that. I don't know how many days/what percentage/what my plan is for going forward from here, but I know that I cannot blindly and numbly eat without both physical and emotional consequences any longer. This is a HUGE paradigm shift for me, and though I'm not 100% there, I now know I have the strength to do it.
I have to meal plan/plan ahead for the week.
As a natural born planner, you'd think I love this. But I actually haven't been very good at it. Especially for breakfast and lunch. So I'd end up eating something sugary with a cup of coffee, and have brain fog for the rest of the day. BUT NOW (and something I know I'll continue to do), is plan the week's meals out, and take the time to prepare more healthy meals for EVERY meal.
Reflecting on each day before bed.
The power of reflection and the ability to find daily support through "Whole30 Day-by-Day" has been the make or break for me. Thinking at the end of each day or what went well, what didn't, and a plan for the next day was so good, and I especially loved writing out the NSVs each day too. I am excited and hopeful that I will continue this practice, instead of mindlessly scrolling through facebook.
I've learned how to read labels.
It's actually a little terrifying to now know how to read labels and menu nutrition. Most of all, EVERYTHING has sugar, in some form or another, and many hidden behind strange names. I remember reading pretty early on that food production companies add these to increase the flavor, which then further dulls our taste buds, which then requires more flavor (often artificial). When you know better, you do better. So I hope I will!
I don't have to eat all of anything.
Butternut squash soup? If I don't like it, don't eat it. Leftover cinnamon sugar toast from the kid's plates (why would they leave that anyway?!?)? Feels weird and feels wasteful, but it doesn't have to go in my mouth. I do have to eat for nourishment, so through this I've learned that even if I don't love my meal, I'll finish the parts that I do enjoy, and move on. I couldn't (and strangely didn't) go searching for something more to satisfy myself, because you know what? It wasn't hunger, it was JUST a craving.
I don't need a snack.
Well sometimes I did as a nursing Momma chasing two kiddos around, and I had a healthy choice always available. BUT a lot of the time, I was just bored, or needed to numb some emotion with eating something. I have said no to more cravings this month than I have probably done in the last 10 years. But I don't "deserve" to feel bad (guilt, bloat, brain-fog, or whatever else) by eating food that is not good for me. I deserve to feel happy and healthy.
I've learned how delicious food can taste.
Less than a week ago, I was honestly losing my mind thinking this whole thing wasn't working. I was cranky and wanted some chocolate, and the meals for the day were not my favorite, PLUS there was all the clean up too. But the last couple of days, it finally felt like it started to fully click...I didn't have nut butter or coconut on my fruit, I had a simple olive oil and vinegar on a salad, I made roasted veggies in the oven at the right temperature, and cooked meat properly, with just salt and pepper...and here's the thing: IT WAS ALL SO DELICIOUS! No sauces, special spices, or sugar, and it was good. I found myself "craving" pure and simple foods and I thought "who am I?"
I must ask myself "Is it worth it?"
From what I've read, the biggest mantra after a Whole30 reset is "Is it worth it?", and I found myself asking this question multiple times daily during our Whole30. It was never worth it, I learned, to throw away all the hard work for a goldfish cracker, a taste of cookie dough, or a sip of soda. And I learned that before I did this at least 20x a day...imagine how much that added up? So now as I move into the days of food reintroduction, and after, I've learned I cannot be "numb" and just eat, but stop, think, and be intentional about what I eat. This might be an easy practice for some, but it has not been for me, and I know it will be a challenging new habit but that I must do it.
Most importantly, I've learned that I can do hard things.
Self-efficacy is the biggest lesson I have learned through these hard 30 days. I have been met with all the emotions that would typically make me reach for a candy bar or a baked good, but I didn't use that to comfort me, because long-term it won't either. The biggest part of this has been the mental challenge, and I described it to a friend as "ripping the band-aid off a sore that still needs time to heal". Sounds fun, right? But really, that wound is there, whether I recognize it or not, so I'd better just face it. So much of my relationship with food has been emotional, and I am not "cured", but it has helped me take the first steps towards getting better. If I can do this hard thing, successfully even (!), what else can I do? There's so many things I've wanted to do and try and be, that I was too afraid to fail that I've had a hard time even starting. So here I go!
Lastly, there's more work to do.
I've said this already, but I must emphasize this. One Whole30 will not be the infinite change for me, but it was the beginning. I know both of these things, but I am willing and able to continue the work that needs to be done until I can find a balance that works for me and my life. I am not a better person or a person more worthy of anything more than I was on day one. I am not defined by what is on my plate, and I am not a "bad" or "good" person if I eat less-healthy food or more healthy food.
This is just the beginning of the blessings 2018 will hold. I am confident in that, and I am Whole30!
Thursday, February 1, 2018
For the Love of Change
First off, can we just all claim all of January as the month to regroup, reorganize, re-find your brain, and reclaim normal life? It's always been a weird month for me, but I didn't want 2018 to be a year of "anger", so I started this year with a big fight against it becoming that, and am looking to handle things differently this year than I did last.
So as my second year to ever have a "word", I am claiming this year's word "love". More love for my family, my friends, my neighbors, and most of all, more love for myself. My whole life, this has been a "too selfish" notion for me, but this year I'm changing that belief for myself. Where 2017 created a tired, sad, overwhelmed, angry me, I want 2018 to create a loving and joyful me again. I want more of the things I love in my life, and less of the things I don't love. More writing, reading, walks, quality time with my children, wholesome and nourishing food, learning new skills, savoring each day, and living intentionally. Less busy-ness, comparing myself to others, mindlessly scrolling through my newsfeed, allowing joy to be stolen by a person or circumstance, and less numbing my emotions with food. This means I'll probably have to say no more than I have in the past, which I am not usually comfortable doing, but I am going to have to do it, especially if doing that thing means a "no" to me or my family. Only "hell yes" for 2018.
I want to be healthier, both physically and mentally, so each month this year (and for everyday for that month), I am going to try to makes changes in my life by creating a new habit that allows more time for things I love, and/or stop an old habit that makes me love myself or an aspect of my life less. In January (and the first week here of February), we chose to complete (almost...Day 24!) our first Whole30. Food has been a source of comfort for me, and a way to celebrate, and I have relied too heavily on trying to fill my emotional needs through eating. It has been interesting, challenging, and pretty tough at times, but I am so glad we did it. I hope to share more with you in the next week or so about this first month of new habits, and what parts I hope to continue.
For February, I'm installing the app "Moment". It helps track phone usage, even specifics as to which apps you use most, and offers some "classes" to help break bad habits. This year, I've also used my phone as a way to distract myself from hard emotions. And then when I scroll through my newsfeeds, I end up feeling even worse, both physically and mentally. I'm looking forward to learning through this process as well, and sharing with you about my experience. ***EDIT: I did install the app, but as I phase into regular life from a challenging month with Whole30, I am going to focus on spending less time on my phone throughout the day, and specifically during #kileysselfcare. I often put caring for me and taking a break last, and that makes for one crazy Momma all too often. So my focus for February is self care which rarely (if ever) includes my phone. :) And I'm going to learn more about my phone use habits, and think of ways to change them little by little, and new habit by new habit.
I know there is beauty there and more that I have yet to see from that painful and hard 2017. I'm determined to make this year better and end with a better outlook, and now I'm already feeling more hopeful about 2018. Thank you for showing up to read what's been on my heart.
Wednesday, August 16, 2017
Ellie-Girl Goes to School
I do know this is the beginning of a really exciting time though too, as she makes her own friends, learns from her teachers, and creates a life outside of our family. She's going to love school and learning, and she will become increasingly more of herself, outside of who I am. She'll have her relationships, experiences, and memories, and she will make us so proud with the choices she makes.Here's a little message to you, Ellie-girl:
Happy first day of Pre-K gorgeous girl! You are going to have so much fun today and I can't wait to hear all about it. You are going to love school, but I sure will miss you. I worry that I haven't cherished this time with you enough, or maybe I could have been more patient, or maybe I should've taken you to the library more or had a more concrete schedule, but also know that I did my very best. I hope it was enough and I hope that you have many good memories from our early adventures together. I am so grateful to be your Momma, and so grateful to have more time with you this year, as I plan to savor it and soak it up as much as I can. You are the sweetest, kindest, silliest, most beautiful girl I know. You are going to soar in school...you'll be a kind friend, a fantastic listener, a hard-worker, and a hilarious little lady. I am going to miss our slow mornings together each day, but I'll treasure our lunches and afternoons even more. I'll always be here for you, whenever you need me. I hope the world sees you for the amazing and incredible and wonderful person you are, and when it doesn't, I hope your own voice is loud enough to remember you are. I love you more than you'll ever know.
Thanks for the adventure, sweet Eloise Marie...
now go have a new one.
Friday, August 11, 2017
Gal's Gathering
A friend is like a ray of sunshine
Making a brighter day
That fills our life with a light so bright
All the clouds are driven away.
A friend is like beautiful music
That lingers in our heart
And when a lovely melody is heard
The ills of life depart.
A friend is like a refreshing breeze
Making sure we feel at ease
Bringing happiness into our life
Always sharing our pain and strife.
A friend I hold close to my heart
Even when we are miles apart
I pray and thank God everyday
For a friend He sent my way.
I came across this little poem when looking for quotes on friendship, and it reminded me so much of my Grandma Re, my Mom's mom, who had a big heart for people and a great love for her friends. The night she went Home, she was copying a poem on friendship after a first date with her "special friend", though now I can't seem to find the one she was actually writing. I think back now on that night, and initially it was somewhat tragic for her to go just as she was getting to enjoy her life and her friends, but now it seems very fitting and something even more I learn from my sweet Grandma Re. Her life was a legacy of connections and loving on people, and simply being a good friend, and my own sweet Momma's life is one of the same. I've always seen and believed in the importance of friendship because of these special ladies, and have found that one of the best investments in life are people. Taking time to care for people you love and who love you is never a waste of time and always worth any small "inconvenience", and I am grateful and lucky to have many wonderful people in my life to call my friends who share this belief with me.
And the very best of friends make you feel normal and understood, even when you're not exactly the same, as well as refreshed and rejuvenated. This is just how I feel after spending time with one of my dearest and oldest friends of 20+ years, Joellen. We took a day for a much needed Girl Time at White Water yesterday with, get this, NO CHILDREN. (Thanks to understanding and unselfish Grandmas that loved on our kiddos for us, and husbands who always encourage us to take the time to ourselves.) I was feeling a little unsure as this week began, since it is extra work to get that free time, sometimes an inconvenience, and often nothing gets done on the to do list while we take a break, but I also knew time with a good friend is so important to my mental well-being. Joellen and I have been through a lot together: junior high, high school college, early married life, and becoming Mommas. We've worked through disagreements, supported one another in the challenges of motherhood, spoken words of truth that are sometimes hard to hear, celebrated life's victories, and encouraged one another in hard times. Our kiddos are more like siblings than just friends and we try to have a night out here or there that sometimes includes exercise, but always includes good food and good conversations. But today's conversations surrounded on important things like Disney t-shirts, kids starting school, Disney rides, what food we wanted to eat next, Disney souvenirs, and of course, our new book, Jen Hatmaker's "Of Mess and Moxie". While there was much Disney talk (since she is going her FIRST time in ONE MONTH. You know I'm going to live vicariously through that trip), we also talked a lot about our love of Jen. You could now call us her fangirls for more reasons than one, but each reason just as important as the next. She has spoken to each of hearts these past years, and specifically these past 6 months, and we couldn't wait to have her as part of our long-time planned girls day poolside.
We've been following along through the past two years or more, through many big events in our lives and in the ever-changing world, and time-and-time again, Jen's words have resonated with me. Her post on social media seem to come just at the time I need to hear them, and I know God is using her to speak to many others who feel lost in their emotions, alone in their thoughts, or just simply like weirdos. Her book, "For the Love", was one of the few I have actually finished since becoming a mom, and something I wished I would've read long ago. She is hilariously self-depricating, incredibly honest, kindly challenging, and positively reaffirming. For a long time to me, a "good Christian" fit in one box, liked and cared for the same things, believed all the same exact things, and all lived the same way, all the while feeling like I've never fit inside that box...never good enough and never would be good enough. But Jen Hatmaker has brought me back into a space I don't think I've ever been in my life: where I know now God made me how I am and that I am good enough because of His love. I know better now that all I have to do is keep trying, and that He will meet me there and use all my seemingly selfish and frivolous parts for the good. Her words are encouraging, relatable, reassuring, and often a challenge for more humility and gratefulness. Jen Hatmaker reminds me to simply "Love God. Love People", and they leave me refreshed and rejuvenated, like a day with a good friend.
While anticipating her new book these past few months, I've continued to follow her and her words continue to uplift me. I was able to listen to her speak in January, a month I could describe as one of my darkest in the past few years, where so much fear, anxiety, and worry had taken over me. And her talk was about fear and that it does not come from Him. I don't think that was any small coincidence, but God saying "I see you. I hear your pain but you are not alone." It was a beautiful night with good girlfriends I won't soon forget, and I left feeling hopeful after a really tough season for myself and my family.
Social media can be so beautiful if used how she has done too...to create a community of women laughing and sharing stories together, and virtually hugging in scary and sad times. She speaks so much about the value of women in the church and in the world unlike any other, and specifically the value of girlfriend in the lives of women. Her new podcast, "For the Love", is beginning with a series dedicated to Girlfriends, and each episode makes me laugh and brings me to tears. And each one brings me back to an idea that I think is finally time to start...
This little dream of mine, a "Gal's Gathering", is something I've continued to put on the back-burner, but now know I need more than ever. It's inspired by my love of the amazing women and friendships in my life, inspired by the hilarity, honesty, and encouragement of Jen Hatmaker, and inspired by a something I've always loved to do. I've longed for a way to connect more to those girlfriends I have in my life, and on her first podcast, Jen Hatmaker and Shauna Neiquiest spoke
of the ministry of hosting and serving a meal, both things I'd consider some of my passions and now see is a gift/talent too. I had to pause during that first podcast to hold back tears, as I realized that God sees my heart, my talents, and my dreams, and recognizes those things as valuable because they are
important to me. He wants to use my strengths to help others, and he wants to
do that for each of us, no matter what that looks like.
So my idea and my hope is that
I can help create a community of women caring
and loving each other despite our weaknesses, strengths, or differences
in life/religious/political beliefs. It takes nods at book
clubs, Bible studies, and dinner parties, but is not just one of those things,
but all of them. I want to help create a monthly supper club of delicious food and drinks, with a side of reading a book here an there, a dash of some wonderful "For the Love of Girlfriends" podcasts, and a house full of wonderful women I admire. If you've read this far, you're a real trooper and really must love me, so I hope you can join. I'm grateful for your friendships and I've looked up to each of you in some way. I hope I can be a better friend, a better person, and that I can serve you with these monthly meals, and I so appreciate you reading!
Sunday, June 25, 2017
Goodbye 1947 Cottage
How do you put into words the love you have for your first home: the place where our married life began and brought our babies home, the place where we've worked so hard to create a home, and the place where we've celebrated so many wonderful things in our life and the life of those we love? I'm not sure how, but I am certainly going to try.
If you know me, you know I love old houses. I can't pinpoint just one reason, but instead there are many, and have just always been drawn to old things and places. I love the stories they could tell and the history they represent. I love them because many wonderful childhood memories were in my family's old houses, both at my Dad's in the summertime and at my Grandma Re's that we visited multiple times a year. Both of my childhood homes here in Oklahoma have been destroyed by tornadoes and a fire, so while for some this would allow them to let go of "stuff", it has made me cling to it and cherish it even more, especially family heirlooms. I have even included "vintage" in my blog's name I love old so much! So an older home, with original features, was always what I had hoped and dreamed to live in someday.
Even though we knew we wanted an older home, falling in love with this house came as a surprise to us, after looking for a couple years unsuccessfully, and then finally deciding to rent first. We rented from Judi Hadley, knowing she knew all about old houses in Norman, so we hoped she could help us find our first home. Soon after we contacted her, she told us about an upcoming listing of a home we had never seen or noticed in our many drives around Norman, but were familiar with the street. We were excited to see it, and though when we pulled up it looked like it needed a little work, we were still excited. We walked in and saw the fireplace, the original wooden floors, the built-ins, the old phone shelf, and the backyard, and knew we wanted to make it ours. We met the sellers, two professors at OU, and though our contract was a bit unconventional, we were so excited for this cute little cottage to call our own!
We hoped/planned on doing some work before we moved in, and enlisted our loved ones to help. They painted and moved and painted and cleaned and painted some more. It was exciting and overwhelming, but the task felt much less daunting with the support of our friends and family. And we are and were so grateful for them! That first summer we lived here seemed so stressful, but really it was where we began to learn and grow and become a really great "Team Valentas". We worked on projects in each room, and looked forward to the spring to get started on the outside. Our ideas and vision transformed into a reality, and it was amazing to see all that hardwork pay off.
We then began to grow our family by getting a sweet little girl golden retriever that we named Lucy, like we'd planned. Good thing we got a dog before having a baby because it was tricky but definitely worth it!
I love to host and when we bought the house, the previous owners told us how great a place it was to have company and dinner parties! So that's exactly what we did. We continued our weekly dinners with our closest group of friends...
We celebrated proposals, engagements, weddings, and babies...
We celebrated birthdays, movie nights, and everyday dinners...
And took about a million pictures from this vantage point! But with each one, I took a moment to pause and realize how lucky we were and are.
This house didn't come with it's own challenges, big projects, and expenses though. But I think it only made us a better team, and more proud homeowners. We had storms that damaged our plants and unexpected house repairs, but we knew that we loved this house and in the end it has always been worth it.
When we bought the house, we already had the nursery picked out. I began dreaming and searching for ideas on Pinterest for both baby girl and baby boy ideas, and both nurseries had ideas imagined long ago. Our vision came to life in both rooms before Ellie and Walt's arrivals, and it was so fun to create such special places for our babies. We've spent many hours in each room, rocking sleepy babies, changing countless diapers, playing on the floor, and just enjoying the space. Each room is special in it's own sense, but our children's rooms have been extra meaningful for us, as they are filled well wishes from loved ones, dreams for Ellie and Walt's future, and many many memories.
The living room is definitely our most used room, and is our "family space". The walls are covered in pictures from our families, and memories of our own Valentas Family adventures. It has been carefully decorated and organized, and there is room for everyone here...adults, kiddos, babies, and pets. Our huge front window is one of my favorite things in this room, as it seems it was created just for babies and pets to look out, and a perfect spot to frame a big Christmas tree. And I've loved the mantle and the fireplace from the first time we saw the house. We've decorated it for each season, and made many fires to keep us cozy when it's cold. We've played, danced, watched movies, eaten breakfast, snuggled, and opened for birthdays, Christmas, and other celebrations here. We've laughed and cried in this room, and it has been such a wonderful place to us.
The dining room has been a space where many loved ones have gathered around the table for dinner around the table, buffet style parties, showers, birthdays, and Fall Festivals. The shelves in the built-in buffets have held many of our most cherished items, from our wedding glasses and my bouquet, to colorful Fiestaware, and from seasonal decorations to serving dishes we use both in our everyday and for special gatherings. We've displayed our favorite postcards, birthday cards, and Christmas cards, and has our best moments of each year in pictures printed from Instagram. It's a colorful but comfortable room, and I love the memories we share from simple family meals here too, with silly videos of both babies in the highchair.
My little kitchen has been the room that the most people have asked if I was going to update it. Originally, I had pondered it, but after we painted and found a home for everything, I just couldn't imagine tearing out the original cabinets, oven, and other sweet detail in this space. We have cooked countless meals in there of course, as well as many many sweet treats for friends and family. I've felt transported to 1947 the most in this room, and thought often about my Grandma Re in this space. I've channeled my inner 1950s housewife, in all the good ways, and have so loved adapting to the room, rather than making the room adapt to my preferences. I hope the new owners love this little cozy kitchen as much as I have.
Though the bathrooms are seem to be just that, I can think of all of the little moments we've shared as a family. It's where we've found out we were pregnant with both babies, where we've given them baths, and the where are bedtime routine begins. Silly songs and faces in the mirrors and messy hands washed clean have been here.
There are many nooks and crannies to this house that have made me love it too. It's said that old houses don't have great storage, but this house certainly does. Thankfully, the closets are big and we sure do have a lot of things stashed in them, whether it's in our room, the hall closets, the coat closet, or the back closet. All spaces that have allowed us to live fully in this home. I've also loved our hallway since we first saw it, mostly because of the old phone shelf and the built-in linen cabinet. I also strangely enough love our garage and laundry room. It's a little rough and a little unconventional for an old house because it's actually connected to the house, but I love the stories it could tell. Handmade shelving and drawers created by former owners each for their own purposes still intrigues me. And Chris just refinished the laundry room...spackle, paint, shelving, and a new light fixture...and I have a space that makes me happy when I am doing a not so favorite task.
In college, I wrote out "life goals", and one of them was a garden/yard with something always growing or blooming. With lots and lots of hardwork, mistakes, and learning, we've finally accomplished a goal I had only dreamt of. I have loved cultivating our front flowerbeds, and finding which plants work best where, and some of my favorites are lantana, sweet potato vine, begonias, elephant ears, coleus, or course fall's best, mums. I've enjoyed creating pretty pots and planters for the porch, and then adding pumpkins later on. And the large magnolia tree has been a picturesque view out the front window too. We've made a brick pathway, found from leftovers bricks, which has made the walk to the backyard that much more welcoming. And our backyard...ohhhhh how I love it our backyard! Even in it's original jungley-pebble-pathed state, we saw the beautiful patio and firepit, as well as the potential for a place to entertain friends and family, and eventually a place for our children to play, and it kind of sealed the deal for us. It has been a lot of work over these past eight years, and it seems odd to be leaving now that we have just completed the biggest projects. All the flowerbeds are landscaped with hostas, wandering jenny, canna lilies, and daffodils. Chris created a safe and fun area for the kiddos with a new edged and mulched playset, as well as a chalkboard. Even our little shed looks like a cozy spot to hang out. And then there's the magic in those lights strung over the patio, into the yard, and along the fence with the word that we've called this place for so long, "HOME". It has stopped me in my tracks time and time again this spring, and I pause to think beautifully special this yard has become.
We have enjoyed our home and backyard this year more than we ever have before, and took every opportunity to play and eat and swing and invite others to join us. This little house has partied like never before these past 8 weeks, and I think it knows how much love we have for it, as well as the love our friends and family have shared here with us. The moments big and small, special and ordinary, rewarding and challenging...they all make up the memories we have created here in our very first Valentas Family Dream Home. It has been a dream come true to live here and an honor to carry on it's history. We will miss it oh so dearly, but know our next adventure awaits and this little 1947 cottage is ready to become a home to a new family who needs it and will love it as much as we have.
You will always hold a special place in our hearts, 926 W. Eufaula. Thank you for the memories, thank you for keeping us warm and safe, and thanking for being the place where there has been so much laughter and love. Thank you for the adventure... Now go have a new one!
If you know me, you know I love old houses. I can't pinpoint just one reason, but instead there are many, and have just always been drawn to old things and places. I love the stories they could tell and the history they represent. I love them because many wonderful childhood memories were in my family's old houses, both at my Dad's in the summertime and at my Grandma Re's that we visited multiple times a year. Both of my childhood homes here in Oklahoma have been destroyed by tornadoes and a fire, so while for some this would allow them to let go of "stuff", it has made me cling to it and cherish it even more, especially family heirlooms. I have even included "vintage" in my blog's name I love old so much! So an older home, with original features, was always what I had hoped and dreamed to live in someday.
Even though we knew we wanted an older home, falling in love with this house came as a surprise to us, after looking for a couple years unsuccessfully, and then finally deciding to rent first. We rented from Judi Hadley, knowing she knew all about old houses in Norman, so we hoped she could help us find our first home. Soon after we contacted her, she told us about an upcoming listing of a home we had never seen or noticed in our many drives around Norman, but were familiar with the street. We were excited to see it, and though when we pulled up it looked like it needed a little work, we were still excited. We walked in and saw the fireplace, the original wooden floors, the built-ins, the old phone shelf, and the backyard, and knew we wanted to make it ours. We met the sellers, two professors at OU, and though our contract was a bit unconventional, we were so excited for this cute little cottage to call our own!
We hoped/planned on doing some work before we moved in, and enlisted our loved ones to help. They painted and moved and painted and cleaned and painted some more. It was exciting and overwhelming, but the task felt much less daunting with the support of our friends and family. And we are and were so grateful for them! That first summer we lived here seemed so stressful, but really it was where we began to learn and grow and become a really great "Team Valentas". We worked on projects in each room, and looked forward to the spring to get started on the outside. Our ideas and vision transformed into a reality, and it was amazing to see all that hardwork pay off.
We then began to grow our family by getting a sweet little girl golden retriever that we named Lucy, like we'd planned. Good thing we got a dog before having a baby because it was tricky but definitely worth it!
I love to host and when we bought the house, the previous owners told us how great a place it was to have company and dinner parties! So that's exactly what we did. We continued our weekly dinners with our closest group of friends...
We celebrated proposals, engagements, weddings, and babies...
We celebrated birthdays, movie nights, and everyday dinners...
And took about a million pictures from this vantage point! But with each one, I took a moment to pause and realize how lucky we were and are.
This house didn't come with it's own challenges, big projects, and expenses though. But I think it only made us a better team, and more proud homeowners. We had storms that damaged our plants and unexpected house repairs, but we knew that we loved this house and in the end it has always been worth it.
When we bought the house, we already had the nursery picked out. I began dreaming and searching for ideas on Pinterest for both baby girl and baby boy ideas, and both nurseries had ideas imagined long ago. Our vision came to life in both rooms before Ellie and Walt's arrivals, and it was so fun to create such special places for our babies. We've spent many hours in each room, rocking sleepy babies, changing countless diapers, playing on the floor, and just enjoying the space. Each room is special in it's own sense, but our children's rooms have been extra meaningful for us, as they are filled well wishes from loved ones, dreams for Ellie and Walt's future, and many many memories.
The living room is definitely our most used room, and is our "family space". The walls are covered in pictures from our families, and memories of our own Valentas Family adventures. It has been carefully decorated and organized, and there is room for everyone here...adults, kiddos, babies, and pets. Our huge front window is one of my favorite things in this room, as it seems it was created just for babies and pets to look out, and a perfect spot to frame a big Christmas tree. And I've loved the mantle and the fireplace from the first time we saw the house. We've decorated it for each season, and made many fires to keep us cozy when it's cold. We've played, danced, watched movies, eaten breakfast, snuggled, and opened for birthdays, Christmas, and other celebrations here. We've laughed and cried in this room, and it has been such a wonderful place to us.
The dining room has been a space where many loved ones have gathered around the table for dinner around the table, buffet style parties, showers, birthdays, and Fall Festivals. The shelves in the built-in buffets have held many of our most cherished items, from our wedding glasses and my bouquet, to colorful Fiestaware, and from seasonal decorations to serving dishes we use both in our everyday and for special gatherings. We've displayed our favorite postcards, birthday cards, and Christmas cards, and has our best moments of each year in pictures printed from Instagram. It's a colorful but comfortable room, and I love the memories we share from simple family meals here too, with silly videos of both babies in the highchair.
My little kitchen has been the room that the most people have asked if I was going to update it. Originally, I had pondered it, but after we painted and found a home for everything, I just couldn't imagine tearing out the original cabinets, oven, and other sweet detail in this space. We have cooked countless meals in there of course, as well as many many sweet treats for friends and family. I've felt transported to 1947 the most in this room, and thought often about my Grandma Re in this space. I've channeled my inner 1950s housewife, in all the good ways, and have so loved adapting to the room, rather than making the room adapt to my preferences. I hope the new owners love this little cozy kitchen as much as I have.
Though the bathrooms are seem to be just that, I can think of all of the little moments we've shared as a family. It's where we've found out we were pregnant with both babies, where we've given them baths, and the where are bedtime routine begins. Silly songs and faces in the mirrors and messy hands washed clean have been here.
There are many nooks and crannies to this house that have made me love it too. It's said that old houses don't have great storage, but this house certainly does. Thankfully, the closets are big and we sure do have a lot of things stashed in them, whether it's in our room, the hall closets, the coat closet, or the back closet. All spaces that have allowed us to live fully in this home. I've also loved our hallway since we first saw it, mostly because of the old phone shelf and the built-in linen cabinet. I also strangely enough love our garage and laundry room. It's a little rough and a little unconventional for an old house because it's actually connected to the house, but I love the stories it could tell. Handmade shelving and drawers created by former owners each for their own purposes still intrigues me. And Chris just refinished the laundry room...spackle, paint, shelving, and a new light fixture...and I have a space that makes me happy when I am doing a not so favorite task.
In college, I wrote out "life goals", and one of them was a garden/yard with something always growing or blooming. With lots and lots of hardwork, mistakes, and learning, we've finally accomplished a goal I had only dreamt of. I have loved cultivating our front flowerbeds, and finding which plants work best where, and some of my favorites are lantana, sweet potato vine, begonias, elephant ears, coleus, or course fall's best, mums. I've enjoyed creating pretty pots and planters for the porch, and then adding pumpkins later on. And the large magnolia tree has been a picturesque view out the front window too. We've made a brick pathway, found from leftovers bricks, which has made the walk to the backyard that much more welcoming. And our backyard...ohhhhh how I love it our backyard! Even in it's original jungley-pebble-pathed state, we saw the beautiful patio and firepit, as well as the potential for a place to entertain friends and family, and eventually a place for our children to play, and it kind of sealed the deal for us. It has been a lot of work over these past eight years, and it seems odd to be leaving now that we have just completed the biggest projects. All the flowerbeds are landscaped with hostas, wandering jenny, canna lilies, and daffodils. Chris created a safe and fun area for the kiddos with a new edged and mulched playset, as well as a chalkboard. Even our little shed looks like a cozy spot to hang out. And then there's the magic in those lights strung over the patio, into the yard, and along the fence with the word that we've called this place for so long, "HOME". It has stopped me in my tracks time and time again this spring, and I pause to think beautifully special this yard has become.
We have enjoyed our home and backyard this year more than we ever have before, and took every opportunity to play and eat and swing and invite others to join us. This little house has partied like never before these past 8 weeks, and I think it knows how much love we have for it, as well as the love our friends and family have shared here with us. The moments big and small, special and ordinary, rewarding and challenging...they all make up the memories we have created here in our very first Valentas Family Dream Home. It has been a dream come true to live here and an honor to carry on it's history. We will miss it oh so dearly, but know our next adventure awaits and this little 1947 cottage is ready to become a home to a new family who needs it and will love it as much as we have.
You will always hold a special place in our hearts, 926 W. Eufaula. Thank you for the memories, thank you for keeping us warm and safe, and thanking for being the place where there has been so much laughter and love. Thank you for the adventure... Now go have a new one!
Saturday, June 3, 2017
Hello 1930 Farmhouse!
And then we found our dream
home: a 1930 craftsman farmhouse, soon after Ellie was born, on one of our many
drives around campus and it's nearby neighborhoods. We'd probably driven by it
many times, but hadn't really seen it, and the more research we did on the
home, the more we loved it. It didn't stand out immediately, but we knew we
would love to make it ours someday, so we began to call it our dream home,
driving by at least every other week. We loved the architecture, the porch, the
large lot, and all of the beautiful trees. We knew that as our family expanded,
our little cottage would soon be at max capacity, and though it was hard to
imagine ever leaving it, we told each other that if this dream home ever became
available, we would try to get it.
With simple plans to love
on our first dream home over the summer, with all the big projects finally
accomplished, I saw on Facebook that our dream home would be having an estate
sale, and that the family would be selling the home in the near future. My
heart sank and I immediately felt ill. I showed it to Chris, with tears in my
eyes and panic in my mind. "There's no way we could make this work",
I thought to myself, as I didn't feel we were ready financially or emotionally.
But I made plans to go the estate sale first thing Saturday morning, especially
after seeing the pictures of the home on the estate sale website. Of course, I
focused on the home itself, but had my eye on a few items I knew I would
cherish too. I also contacted Judi to see if she knew any information about the
upcoming sale of the home, and she said she would look into it.
So many treasures to be found, but the biggest one was the home itself!
I went upstairs and ran
into one of my former students, who asked how I was, and of course, it let the
flood gate of emotions and tears come out. I explained how much I loved the
home, but thought we couldn't make it work. She said that her dad knew the
owner's son, and that they did plan to put the house on the market soon, but
that she thought her dad could give me his contact information. I was
unsure but hopeful that I might be able to at least contact the owners. I
meandered around more, taking in the details of every room, and also ran into
Judi inside. I told her how much I loved it, though she said she had not found
out anything yet. We chatted more, as I waited for my former student’s dad, which I also then saw a couple ladies seemingly
contemplating that sign I had my eye on. Feeling bold, I asked them if they
were going to purchase that sign, and they said they would definitely let me
know. Though it was cold, I went to hang out on the porch, and then got to meet
my former student’s dad. He told me more
about the home, and that it was the original farm house to the 160-acre area,
and that fact alone hooked me even more. He gave me the contact info for the
current owner’s son, explaining it had
been owned and lived in by his mom for the past 50+ years. I fell in love with
it more, and when the gal with the sign came out to tell me I could purchase
the sign, I immediately got tears in my eyes once again. Before we each parted
ways, I thanked Judi, my former student’s dad, and the gal who sold me the sign, and walked to my car half
a block down with tears streaming, thinking that this dream was just too big
and that I needed to just let it go. 
I got home, and told Chris
all about it, and feeling silly for being so emotional about it, but still
having those big feelings. We both looked at each other and said that it was
just too much for us right now, emotionally and financially, so we were going
to try to let it go, but would cherish the sign I was able to get in whatever home we were in.
But I still had the owner’s son’s number, and that little
piece of fate I just couldn’t waste. So I gave that
number a call. He asnswered and I introduced myself, telling him how much I
loved the house, especially after visiting it for the estate sale. I asked him
to wait to sell the house, but he explained the need to sell to help support
his mom, but also asked what items I had found at the sale. We chatted a bit
more, and I told him that I hoped something magical could happen where we could
buy it and thanked him for his time. I had hoped to find a sense of relief
after our conversation, and while on one hand I did, on the other hand I couldn’t stop thinking about the house, and knew any other scenario of
someone else owning it would be hard to swallow. We visited it again on Sunday
with our little family, and Chris could see what I saw: beautiful original
characteristics and potential that we were afraid someone would come in and
ruin it.
So I began to pray for a
clear sign that if this house wasn’t supposed to be ours, that there would be a clear breaking point
and that we could let the dream go. But it that I began to also let go of our
cottage a little, realizing we already were at max capacity. I came up with
several hair-brained ideas on how to get the house, but none of them made sense
and would add too much unneeded stress and strain to the situation. On Monday
night, after a long weekend of pondering and praying, Chris finally said to me,
“If you want to get that house,
the only way we could possibly do it is to sell ours.” A peace about it washed over me immediately and I knew that would
be the only way we could it. But I also immediately started crying about giving
up our home…one with our best memories.
So we made plans to try to
get our dream house: we called our parents, I emailed Judi, and Chris went to
the bank Tuesday morning. Once we found out we were approved, Judi came over,
we filled out the needed paperwork, and a sign was in our yard that night. I called
the owner’s son to give him the news,
and he said he would let us know when we could come see it again after they
cleaned up from the estate sale. The next three nights were filled with
showings at our house, that brought in several offers, and we met again with
Judi just one week since we’d first seen the house to
choose an offer. We were under contract, and just waiting to see our dream
house.
We couldn’t wait to finally see the house in it's entirety, and as soon as
the owner's son let us know it was available, we were elated and asked to see
it that night. He toured us around the home, he
told us many stories about his own memories as well as this history. One of the first things he showed us was this article from the Norman Transcript, that was written when his parents bought it.
He told us about it being built in 1930, and that it really was the original farmhouse to a 160-acre pig farm. (Van's Pig stand also opened then....perhaps they owe us some money?!? Haha...) The land was originally purchased in 1892 for $200 per acre. It has had only three owners: The Schultze Family, The Chaudoin Family, and then his family who bought it in 1961, including his mom, Mary E. Sudduth, who has lived in it for the last 57 years. He even shared a story with us from his childhood newspaper route, where an older lady asked where he lived. He told her about his house, and she told him that her father had built it, and that he had gone to the lumberyard and had picked out every plank to build it himself. Even before we knew all of these details, we knew it had to be special because of the craftsmanship throughout the home, and in the original woodwork, light fixtures, and door knobs.
It was incredible to hear it's history, and know it had been so well cared for. We put in our offer that night, and the following afternoon Greg called us to let us know that offer was accepted. He told us his mom was thrilled to hear that a family would be living there, and he congratulated us on getting our dream house! We then planned to meet him there that evening to see the house again, and to exchange paperwork. We got to the 1930 farmhouse early, and we were not-so-successfully trying to take a selfie of us and the house when he arrived. As he got out, we shook hands and thanked him, with tears in our eyes, but we could also see he had tears in his eyes. He explained why in that where we were taking our first picture with the house, his siblings had all gathered to take their last picture with the house. He said he it was a sign it was meant to be, and we agreed.
So we went in with
new eyes…knowing this time the house
would soon be ours. As we finished up for the evening, I told him what Ellie
had said when she found out. She has exclaimed, "We won the big house!”, but his response was, “Well the house won too!". He gave us that newspaper article that I cannot wait to frame and hang with our "God Bless Our Home" sign by the front door.
He told us about it being built in 1930, and that it really was the original farmhouse to a 160-acre pig farm. (Van's Pig stand also opened then....perhaps they owe us some money?!? Haha...) The land was originally purchased in 1892 for $200 per acre. It has had only three owners: The Schultze Family, The Chaudoin Family, and then his family who bought it in 1961, including his mom, Mary E. Sudduth, who has lived in it for the last 57 years. He even shared a story with us from his childhood newspaper route, where an older lady asked where he lived. He told her about his house, and she told him that her father had built it, and that he had gone to the lumberyard and had picked out every plank to build it himself. Even before we knew all of these details, we knew it had to be special because of the craftsmanship throughout the home, and in the original woodwork, light fixtures, and door knobs.
It was incredible to hear it's history, and know it had been so well cared for. We put in our offer that night, and the following afternoon Greg called us to let us know that offer was accepted. He told us his mom was thrilled to hear that a family would be living there, and he congratulated us on getting our dream house! We then planned to meet him there that evening to see the house again, and to exchange paperwork. We got to the 1930 farmhouse early, and we were not-so-successfully trying to take a selfie of us and the house when he arrived. As he got out, we shook hands and thanked him, with tears in our eyes, but we could also see he had tears in his eyes. He explained why in that where we were taking our first picture with the house, his siblings had all gathered to take their last picture with the house. He said he it was a sign it was meant to be, and we agreed.
With every change, happiness
can always be found, though there can also be some drawbacks, some
disappointments, and some bittersweet moments. I knew I'd be willing to give up
my other plans and dreams for this home in a second, but maybe I don't have to
give it all up. Maybe this is a lesson of trusting God's timing, His purpose,
His plan, and letting go of the worries I've always carried around. A lesson of
finding joy everyday, no matter how chaotic the rest of my life seems, and
always always being grateful. And we are so grateful. What a beautiful
beginning to our story at our dream house, while cherishing the days left in
our first dream home.
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